Death By A Thousand Cuts.

Bad Day

I saw the world as good and bad. As real people and fake. As princesses and witches. As princes and murderers. But don't confuse it with black and white. My world was full of colours. It sparkled and shined. It dimed and grew dark. It kept on changing. But things change for me. They always have, perhaps always will. I used to divide my days as good and bad. As happy and sad. As sunny and stormy. As enchanting and haunting.

It was the day after my date with Joe. The December air felt cold on my nose and cheek. There's a thing that I love about winter. I know people associate winter with hard, bad times but for me it is a warm time no matter how much it snows. It was the time I spent with family and friends. It was the time we got ready to welcome a new year. It was the time we could all sit around a fire and bask in its warm glow. Winter feels cozy and comfy. It feels safe, almost like cuddling. Also my birthday and Christmas both comes during winter.

My heels made a continuous tapping sound on the floor. I was walking to meet my next collaborator and one of my closest friend, Selena Gomez. I think she is the definition of adorable.

"Honey, you are a little late!", my mom, Andrea, said.

"Mom, umm.. I was just umm... doing a little urgent work thing. Is Selena here yet?"

"Yes. Let's go."

Mom put her arm around me and walked some seconds like that. If I were younger I would perhaps not like it but now I do.

Mom is such an integral part of every part of my life. Selena and I had known each other so long that our families are as close as we are now.

As we walked into a well furnished hotel room, Selena walked up to us and hugged me and my mom.

"How are you?" She smiled and said to my mother.

"I am good." My mother smiled back.

"Sel, you mind joining me in the next room for a sec?" I said.

Me and Selena walked in to the empty room and chatted.

The meeting started around half an hour later. All people, most, who needed to be part of this project were there. As I looked around the room I saw that I liked everyone in the room. I felt safe and welcome and worthy with them. The environment was so different than it used to be some time ago. It wasn't suffocating anymore. It was fun again. It did not drain my energy. It did not make me ache with pain. It was almost like it was in the beginning. Maybe even better.

The meeting went well. Ot at least it was until my mom fainted. She was rushed to the hospital. I wrapped up the meeting soon and arrived just ten minutes after her.

"It will be alright." Selena rubbed my left arm and said.

Yes, she accompanied me to the hospital despite her busy schedule.

I was so afraid. For my mother. I kept telling myself she would get better soon. I don't even know how I would be without her.

The phone rang. I fumbled around my purse.

"No. Taylor! It's my phone." Selena giggled.

She walked away to receive the call.

When she came back she said, "So I have go now. Will you be fine?"

"Yes. Of course. Bye."I said.

She walked away.

A sudden emptiness came over me. My chest hurt. My stomach felt funny. My heart started beating faster. My mouth got a bad taste.

I walked into my mother's room where she was shifted after being examined by a doctor.

I went near her and squeezed her hand. Wires were attached to her and she was taking in medicine. And it made me so sad. Much more sad than usual. It made me feel almost sick and nauseous.

Later the doctor informed me that my mom's cancer is getting a little worse. And she would need care for the next few days.

We soon went home, a few hours later. I was feeling so tired the entire day. Like I was standing under the sun instead of being inside air-conditioned buildings and cars. Speaking of cars, it was like motion sickness, the feeling I had the entire day that is.

As I tucked my mother into her bed. I heard Austin's voice downstairs. And I heard the voice of Rebecca, mom's neighbour Toby's daughter.

Austin came into the room and sat on the bed beside mom.

We talked in soft voices so as not to disturb our sleeping, seriously sick mother.

Austin said he would be here with mom for the next four to five days constantly. Although I tried to cancel a few plans he wouldn't let me. I finally made sure everything was okay and with a fast beating heart left for my home.

When I checked my phone after I reached home I saw seven missed calls from Joe. Joe usually rarely calls more than once and never calls more than three times unless it's urgent. He even texted me this:

Hey babe. :) Sorry I have been calling so much. There is no need to worry.
I just have something to say to you but it can wait.
I will be there with you by tomorrow morning.

Then there was another text three hours later:

Hey. I heard your mom had a rough time and had to visit the hospital. Sorry to hear that. Hope she gets well soon.
I might drop by her house if I get the time, if that's okay. I'll call you.

He did not call or text after that. I decided to call him. I almost did. But I felt so tired and then suddenly I had to go to the bathroom. My stomach felt weird. When I was in the bathroom not knowing what was wrong, saliva filled my mouth and I had to throw up. I threw up for ten minutes straight. But all I felt after that was relief.

I washed up, got dressed in the most comfortable clothes I have and took a book with me to bed. But I was so exhausted that I feel asleep before I could finish the third page.
    

****

[If you can spare some time please leave behind a suggestion or remark. I am so insecure about how this is turning out. Thank  you sooo much for reading!]