Death By A Thousand Cuts.

Love in the storm

Joe and I had arguments. It was the same day as the humiliating street incident. I was already angry, tired and drowned in sorrow.

Joe does not believe in using the internet often. He does not like stumbling across articles about people he knows, he used to say. He likes serenity. He likes being in the quiet. He likes comfort. He does not crave attention. I like that about him.

But sometimes I assume people already know what happened in my life. It's what happens when fame gets into your head a little. I assumed he already read an article somewhere about my dramatic meltdown. I don't know why I thought that. I knew better by then. He doesn't look at the internet like I do. And never like I used to.

Arguments break down sometimes. It was a small issue. He told me something I don't remember anymore. I slammed. I was mad then. Every single reason there could be for us to not be good together poured out. My words flew like bullets from my mouth I couldn't help it. I tried. I did. I had always been this way. I have a sharp tongue. I mean I am as kind as I can be but sometimes I lose my mind.

In a fit of rage I slammed down the flower vase. I just swiped it off the table. The next second I was on the floor, sitting down.

"Are you insane?" Joe screamed.

It reminded me of something. This right here was a situation when I act like my crazy persona from blank space! Why? I don't know. It was a moment of realisation. I was taken aback. Why was I acting this way? I was scared. But the very next second it seemed so funny a chuckle escaped.

"Insane? Am I?" I looked Joe in the eye and scoffed. Then I averted my gaze.

Joe knelt down beside me. I was supporting my back on the wall. His gaze softened. He held my arm softly and said, "I am sorry. I should not have said that. Sorry. Let's do something and forget this."

"Hahh! Why are you dating an insane girl? Are you fucking stupid?"

I could not believe I was saying something so hurtful. But it felt so good somehow. I wanted to go on and on.

"What's gotten into you!" Joe shouted worried and angry at the same time.

"Oh I am Joe. I am so stupid I don't know what has gotten into my girlfriend. I just like being at peace. I just called her insane and now I am trying to blame everything on her." I said in an irritating singsong voice with an accent.

I could see the hurt in his eyes. And it hurt me. It hurt me so much. I blinked away the tears and breathed in and out to slow down my heartbeats.

"You are being so hurtful right now." Joe said in barely more than a whisper. He let go of my arm, stood up and was leaving.

"Yes!! Run!! That's all you can ever do. Leave? You will just leave?" I screamed again.

"No! I wasn't leaving. You are making it impossible for me to do anything!" He said with emphasis on "no" and "anything".

He flung himself down onto the sofa and leaned back as much as he could. He lay their staring at the ceiling for some time.

I wanted to speak. I wanted to vent out. I wanted to scream. I wanted to act insane. But here he was calm and silent. I was so irritated.

"Why don't you just go, huh? If you don't have anything to say just leave." I said as one single drop of year rolled down my left cheek. I rubbed it away violently before he could see me crying.

"You know what! You aren't a kid anymore so grow up. Why are we even screaming? Huh? It's so very stupid!" He spoke like an adult speaks to a teenager.

"Just go okay. Just go. I need to be alone. Goodbye."

Joe picked up his stuff, glanced at me and walked out the door.

"Urghh!!"

The door creaked open. I smiled thinking it was Joe.

But it was just my housekeeper Helen.