Dancing Around // peter parker

21

I stared deeply at the mirror hanging on my gym locker. I was looking at my hoops hanging from my ear lobes. The lockers around me started to shut one after another as my teammates all started to head to the field for practice. I could feel their stares as they walked past my locker. I knew their whispers were about me. Everyone was wondering if I was going to wear my earrings or not.

I let my eyes slip past my earrings and ended up making eye contact with myself. I hated when I did this. I looked into my green eyes as the locker room slowly started to become empty, unable to look away. It was such a strange thing to do. I had no idea how anybody could ever look at themselves so easily. How they could easily accept themselves.

Once I knew the locker room was empty I let out a sigh after dipping my head into my locker. What was I doing? If I did as everyone wanted, if I didn't wear my earrings, then wouldn't that be like giving up? Yeah, it seemed childish and it really was a safety hazard, but it was the only way I could fight back. If I showed up on that field with empty holes in my ears it was almost like the coach had won. Like it didn't matter how badly he treated us or his crappy ways of thinking. That in the end I, along with everyone else, would fall into line.

Yet, if I did leave my earrings in, it would be like a great 'f u' to the coach and it would feel great but only for a short time. Then I would turn to look at my teammates and I would see all their faces filled with anger and one face filled with disappointment.

I wouldn't be able to tell Cindy that I did want to be her friend and that I did want her to challenge the way I thought and the way I saw things. If I wore my earing out to the field then there would be no point in talking to Cindy. Even if I tried talking to her, she wouldn't listen and I wouldn't blame her. How could she listen to me say that I'll do better if I didn't change my actions?

I pulled my head out of my locker and met my eyes in the cheap foggy mirror once more. I could already see the coach wearing a big grin if I didn't wear my earrings. My blood boiled at the thought of him thinking he had won. My pride would shatter. He would probably never let me forget. He would probably treat me worse. I didn't know what to do.

I looked up to the ceiling in hope of finding some kind of answer, but all I found in its place was a spider. The ceiling in the locker room wasn't as pretty as the one in my living room. It looked old and broken down. The paint was deteriorating and probably a different color than it was originally. Just then the bell rang above me signaling to me that I was late. That was right. I almost forgot. I couldn't stay here forever.

I turned back to the mirror one last time before making my decision. As much as it hurt me, I pulled my earring out of my ear and sat them down on the bottom of my locker. At my old school, I did this all the time. I would find small inconveniences that would bother people I didn't like. Teachers and students who thought in ways that rubbed me the wrong way. Like how I used to blackmail people with their pictures to make them fear me, to make them care about how they acted around me, and to remind them to stay in check.

I didn't care about them or what it meant when I was doing to them. I was only concerned about myself. I just wanted to get by without being bothered...but maybe that was why I never found my place. Maybe that was why I never felt comfortable.

I didn't want to deal with all the hard stuff that came with friendships or even relationships, but there was no way around it. Talking to Peter on that counter last night reminded me of how it felt to just talk to someone. It had been so long that I had honestly forgotten.

I could always get the coach back some other way. Maybe I would do it the classic way and complain about him to the school. Find concrete evidence of him abusing his power and then report him.

Cindy, on the other hand, had no reason to be this nice to me. I hurt her best friend and yet she was still so kind to me. She was giving me a chance to have a genuine friend. How could I pass that up?

In the end, I shut my locker and headed towards the field, finally understanding that if you want something you've never had, you had to do something you've never done before.

...

Dear reader,

I'm just going to skip the self-check-in and head straight to the question.

Question: Do you prefer large wallets or small ones?

My answer: I for sure prefer small wallets to big ones. They are just so much easier to handle.

Sincerely,

aloneeedra