poem #223

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Life feels like a merry go round
It looks harmless
it looks exciting
and you see everyone else enjoying it
so you climb on and have someone push you
"I'm here" they say "you're safe"
you start to feel the world around you shift and the air runs through your hair
you trust the people close to you, so you listen your grip on the bars
after all, you weren't going fast enough to fall off anyways
but that was the problem, you want more
you tell them "faster"
"be careful" they say, but push you faster anyways
you didn't care about the consequences, you weren't worried
they were there to catch you
and the adrenaline in your vines blocked out your better judgment
when you get off everything is fuzzy
almost like you're walking drunk
you wanted to go again
and again , and again
you were growing up
eventually, you had gotten to the point where you thought you didn't need anyone to push you
"You've done this a thousand times" you tell yourself "don't be scared"
so you get on , and start spinning yourself
it wasn't very fast so you push harder
something doesn't feel right , but you spin yourself faster and faster
you wanted to feel lighter
you wanted to be less worried
you wanted more control
but you got the exact opposite
you let go of the railings , and yell out of joy
for a moment with the stars above you and the air kissing your face you felt complete
it was only for a moment though
because just like that, everything crashed
you lost control , and you couldn't grab the railings fast enough
you flew off and into the mulch
cut and bruised , you start to cry
you thought you were okay
you thought you were safe
you take in your surroundings and realize you're by yourself
no ones there to catch you
no ones there to pick you up
you're bleeding and disoriented, and alone
you yell out, but not from joy this time
but no one hears you, and no one will
you can't move and all you want is to go back in time and be more careful
they warned you about going too fast
they told you to be safe
but no one ever warned you about how bad falling off
how bad falling apart
hurt.
-r.b

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