Journey to the Center of the Heart (a novella)

Chapter 1 - "A Regretful Mistake"

You fucking moron. What did you do? How the fuck are you going to fix this?

Casey anxiously watched Grady add ingredients to his coffee cup as he talked non-stop about the girl he had met online the night before. It had been ages since the guy had been this excited over a prospective relationship, and Casey wasn’t sure he could remember a time when Grady had actually displayed this level of eagerness.

“I’m telling you, Case,” Grady grinned and stirred his coffee, then sucked the spoon clean. A pleasant shiver skittered through Casey when the utensil slipped between Grady’s lips. Fuck, the man had the most sexy, kissable mouth ever. An unbidden throb began to thump in his crotch – and the recollection of last night’s events didn’t help any either. Grady walked over to the counter where Casey sat on a stool, and leaned on his elbows directly across from Casey, sipping his coffee. “She was amazing. We had this instant connection. After talking to her for just a few minutes, I felt like I’d known her all my life.”

Imagine that, Casey thought sickly and averted his eyes before Grady could detect the guilt churning therein. He cleared his throat. “Why do you have to go to an online chat room to find a chic?” he wondered. It wasn’t easy keeping his voice level, calm, casual…but luckily Grady was too preoccupied to notice the slight hitches. “I mean, you’re fucking hot. Girls practically follow you home in hoards every time you go out. It isn’t like you have a lack of options.”

Grady shrugged. “That’s the problem.”

“What?” Casey chanced a look at him. “Too many options? Oh, you poor thing.” He rolled his eyes and snorted.

“Hey,” Grady chuckled and cocked an eyebrow. “The only reason you don’t get dates is because you never leave your fucking apartment except to go to your classes. You have to socialize, baby, put it out there for people to see.”

You’re the only one I want to show it to, Casey thought as the anxiety and ‘ick’ feeling came back to his gut. But he couldn’t say that, not out loud, though he wondered if Grady was aware – or at least suspected – that his gay best friend had a thing for him. Surely he had to suspect it, as hot and sexy as he was. If he only knew how deep that ‘thing’ was…would he still feel at ease around Casey?

“That’s easy for you to say,” Casey muttered with a smirk. “You’re not a scrawny fag boy looking for love in all the wrong places.”

“Shit,” Grady nearly choked on his coffee, cleared his throat and shook his head. “Don’t say shit like that when I just take a drink.”

Casey chuckled and shrugged. “My bad.”

Clearing his throat again, Grady rubbed his hand over his mouth. “First of all, you’re not scrawny. You look fine. And plenty of girls have told me what a cute, sexy friend I have.”

“And how does that help me?”

“Hey,” Grady held up a finger. “Girls happen to have very good taste when it comes to gay guys. Fuck, half of them are probably coming on to me just to get closer to you.”

Casey shook his head and smiled. “Well, I appreciate their votes of confidence, but again – how does that help me in the dating department?”

“I’m just saying,” Grady looked at him and grinned. Sometimes that ‘grin’ felt like a cruel twist of fate, encompassing everything Casey had ever wanted in a man, right there in front of him every day, close enough to touch – yet forever beyond his reach. “You’re a good looking guy. And believe it or not, there are other guys out there who think so, too. You just have to give them an opportunity to present themselves.”