Your Kind Hand

Chapter 1

"She listened to my words..being neither disgusted nor disapproving..time and time again..she accepted me..like a mother would."  Yuki told Kakeru.

He was quite embarrassed of his true feelings for Tohru.  He was afraid his dear friend would find him weird.  Nonetheless, Kakeru listened, and continued to give Yuki the advice he needed to hear.

"A mother, eh?  Hmm...I don't really understand, shall I give you my mom?" Kakeru joked.

Yuki laughed at his joke, and it filled Kakeru with warmth and comfort.  Yuki continued.

"I've always admired that sort of parental love.  I didn't really understand it.  I didn't realize that's what I wanted from her.  I never had a good relationship with my real mother, so when she came into my life, I thought I was supposed to love her."

"And why's that?"  Kakeru asked.

"Because she's a girl.  I never had any experience with this stuff, but I always thought that...I had to be in love with a girl in order to be close with them.  So I'd try to flirt, but it never felt right to me."

Kakeru frowned.

"Because she was a mother figure?"

"Yes, but it's not just that."

Kakeru's eyes widened.

"It felt...wrong.  It's hard to describe.  It felt like even though I was forcing these feelings of romance onto her, I never truly felt that way about her.  Then, I tried it on Miss Minagawa-"

"Motoko?"  Kakeru asked.

"Yes.  I knew she was in love with me, and I used that to my advantage to see if I'd felt anything, but the thought of even trying to do something like that with her..disgusted me.  Not because she's a bad person, but I don't know why."

"Is it because you didn't know her well enough to like her?"  Kakeru asked.

"Maybe, but just the thought of falling in love with her saddened me somehow."

Kakeru had gone through similar things like this before.  He realized a few years ago what it meant.  He came out as gay a few weeks later, after being comfortable with himself.  Yuki is already aware, because it's not like Kakeru keeps it a secret.  Kakeru knew what Yuki was going through, and he wanted to help him.

"I don't see every other girl as a mother too though.  I don't know why I'm feeling like this.  I'm not supposed to feel this way.  I feel....guilty."

Kakeru frowned.  He hated seeing Yuki so confused and hurt.  He put his hand on Yuki's shoulder and gave him a comforting smile.  Yuki blushed a little.

"You shouldn't feel guilty for not loving her."

"I do love her!"  Yuki blurted out in a panic, a desperate attmept to keep them close to his heart.

He did  love her, but not in the way that Kyo loved her.  Not in the way that boys loved girls.

"You know what I meant."  Kakeru said, in a softer voice.

Yuki sighed.  He did know what he meant, but he didn't want people to think he didn't admire Tohru.

"It's probably for the best anyway.  I mean, you've seen the way she and your cousin look at each other, right?  It would've ended up in heartbreak."

Yuki knew he was right, which is why he said nothing.  Kakeru could see how sad he had made Yuki with those words, and he panicked.

"Don't cry Yun-Yun!" Kakeru cried, throwing a soccer ball at Yuki's face.