For All the Things Left Broken

Chapter 3

TW: anxiety, depression

Eden's POV

I looked at him, tilting my head to the side. Last time I saw him was before our graduation. He was one of the most respected guys at school. Girls loved him, and I mean really loved him. Like "I would marry you if you asked me" loved him. Guys wanted to be his friends and most of them were. There were rumors going around that he was involved in some illegal activities, but no one really believed them. He was some sort of a bad boy, but with a golden heart.

We didn't speak much in high school. Occasional nod or banter, but other than that, we passed each other by barely glancing at one another. 

"I thought you'd be across the country by now, annoying someone at NYU." I said putting the cigarette between my lips, inhaling again and looking straight ahead. My breathing was returning to normal and my muscles were starting to relax.

"And I thought I'd see you there sucking up to professors, but here we are." He smirked and continued to stare at me. There was curiosity in his eyes and I couldn't help but notice how they twinkled. 

The corners of my lips lifted slightly and I took another drag, not saying a thing. By now we were standing inches apart and I could smell his cologne mixed with the smoke. Who knew these two things could actually complement each other. 

"What are you doing here, Eden?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"I've been asking myself the same question." I replied quietly. The cigarette was almost done by now and I was starting to wonder whether I should go back or not. As if reading my mind, Noah spoke up.

"You know you don't have to go back there today. There is always the next meeting. I am sure Dr. Harrow wouldn't mind. He understands how hard it can be and everyone there went through similar first day, believe it or not." He threw what was left of his cigarette on the ground and turned his body towards me, so he was leaning against the wall with his shoulder. The wind was picking up and his hair seemed to be all over the place. Yet, he still looked handsome.

"What do you know about these things anyway." I scoffed slightly, throwing my cigarette butt on the ground. I was too tired to speak. I didn't really feel like talking today and meeting Noah was not something I could have foreseen. Before I started dating Anderson, I had a slight crush on this Sullivan boy, like everyone did. But, as always, I didn't really do anything about it. He was out of my league and I couldn't help but remind myself of that now, standing here. He looked different, even more untouchable than he was before. 

"My brother is in there. Carter. He almost threw a punch the first time he went into that session. He is better now though. Much better." He smiled and looked towards the sky, the grey clouds covering all the blue. "44 percent. Remember?" He laughed, turning to me once again. 

I looked at him. Like really looked at him. His black hair was falling into his eyes. There were barely visible dark circles under them, yet he seemed well. Really well. The white shirt clung to his toned body and the leather jacket only emphasized it. I met his amused brown eyes and realized that I just checked him out. 

Cursing myself in my head I turned my head away and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I could feel the blush coming up my neck towards my cheeks. Why am I so stupid? He must think I'm a creep now.

"What about the other 56?" I asked, trying to play it off.

"Recovery is hard work. It's hard to put energy into something so exhausting, when you can barely get out of bed in the morning." He said calmly, like he's been through this a million times. "Most people can't even talk to the people they are closest to about it. Can't even imagine chatting to a bunch of strangers about how shitty life is. Most of them never go back after the first session." He started fidgeting with the car keys in his hands, still looking at me. 

"What makes them go back then?" I looked right back at him. I don't know why, but the fact that he was speaking to me about therapy but not about MY therapy, made me feel better. Facts always made me feel safe and I hated talking about myself. He found common ground without even looking for it. 

He looked at me, smiled and shook his head. I noticed his dimples, which made him look even more handsome. 

"Can't tell you all the secrets, Ed, now can I" I furrowed my eyebrows at the nickname. He called me that once before, after he won a football championship at school and came to boast. "Maybe next time, Ed." He said and didn't even wait for me to respond. I remember him walking away smugly with a trophy in his hand. 

"Don't you start, Sullivan." 

He just laughed and shook his head. Somehow, he found me amusing. I didn't know whether it was a good or a bad thing, but it made my heart beat faster.

I didn't know for how long we stood like that, our backs to the wall, but it was comfortable. I didn't feel on edge for the first time in a while and it felt good. I don't know whether it was the cigarette, or the boy standing next to me. I was too tired to question it. Instead, I just enjoyed it.

After a couple more minutes, he started fidgeting with his car keys, looking towards the entrance to the school. I assumed he was here for his brother, and it was almost time for the session to be over. I didn't know if he was embarrassed of me or just didn't want to be seen with me, but one thing I was sure of, he wanted to leave before anyone saw us outside. 

His eyes were darting between me and the school entrance, then in the direction of a couple of cars in the parking lot. The calmness had disappeared and somehow I wanted to get away from here as soon as possible. 

He didn't want to be seen with me.

I shouldn't care about things like that. Hell, we barely knew each other, but it felt easy talking to him about things that are so hard to describe. My heart sank and I started to feel small in my baggy sweater. I used to welcome the feeling, but it was too heavy now. 

"Go." I whispered, beginning to drag my feet towards the main road. 

"Go?" 

I gave him a slight smile and a nod. He tilted his head, confusion clouding his eyes. He looked towards the school entrance once again, then at me. He gripped his keys tighter. 

I started to put my headphones in, walking backwards, still looking at him. I didn't want him to be seen with me if he didn't want that, so I thought I'd leave and let him be. It wasn't the first time it happened and it was okay. 

I looked horrible and I was tired and I was sad. He was the opposite. I thought if  I stayed any longer, I would taint him with it somehow. He was right to not want that.

He was still looking at me, furrowing his eyebrows. After a moment or two, when there was a reasonable distance between us, he shook his head and started heading towards the parking lot. 

"I'll see you around, Eden June." He turned on his heels and started heading towards the school. 

I didn't say anything back, turned away and picked up the pace, walking towards my house. The thunderstorms were ringing in my ears, slowly calming me. 

I looked back one more time, only to see him looking at me. He smirked and waved at me, while I just shook my head and continued walking. 

Hopefully you won't, Noah. Hopefully you won't.