For All the Things Left Broken

Chapter 4

Before going home I decided to take a detour. There was a bridge near the outskirts of the city, around a half an hour walk away from school. My friends and I used to come here every other week, but I started going round almost every day. 

Sun was starting to set and everything around was really calm. The street lights were starting to come on and cars were passing by less often. The rain was blasting through my ears, providing a weird sense of comfort. 

I dreaded messaging my parents about yet another failed attempt at getting my life together. It almost made me laugh at how bad I was failing. I tried, I really did. But these days even waking up seemed like too much effort. 

I leaned on the rail of the bridge and looked down. The river was flowing peacefully. It was a quite and calm evening, so no wonder everything seemed at peace. It was lovely. 

I remember the first time I came here alone, without any of my friends. It was after I found out that there was a whole group dedicated to judging my every move, sharing updates, and keeping an eye on me like I was some unstable brittle girl who needed saving. 

That night I stayed here until dawn. Just thinking, not really moving. The bridge was deserted most of the time, just an occasional passerby. I wanted to disappear. For once, I just wanted everything to stop.

When I was leaving that night, a beautiful girl passed me by on the bridge. She smiled my way, but I couldn't make myself to do the same. 

"Lovely night, isn't it?" She hummed. 

"I didn't really notice, sorry." I answered and continued walking.

"Not everyone does, it's okay." She continued towards the middle of the bridge and sat down on the railing, while I went home.

I should have realized then, that it is quite odd to go to the bridge in the middle of the night. No one went there when it was dark unless they had a reason to be there. 

The girl had a reason, but I was too self-centred to notice. 

The next time I saw that girl again was in the newspaper. 

Lovely nights carry darkness too.

____

I stepped through the front door, closing it quietly behind me. It was almost 11 p.m. and I my parents were supposed to be asleep. I didn't want to wake them up. 

There were some leftovers from dinner on the kitchen island, with a note from mom that it was for me. I wasn't really hungry, so I decided to leave it be and went up to my room. It was as I left it, clean yet dark. 

I change into my pyjamas and brushed my teeth. I took my laptop from the table and sat on the window seat, street lights the only source of brightness. I logged into my Facebook account and scrolled through the feed. Most of my friends were going into their second year of university now, sharing their happiness and accomplishments. It wasn't their fault, but the more I scrolled, the smaller I felt. 

If things were so easy for others, why weren't they for me?

I saw a photo posted by Noah Sullivan. He was never really big on social media, but whatever was on his mind always made people laugh. Some people were quite vary of him, due to his so-called reputation, but it took one look at his profile to realize he wasn't what people feared him for. To fear him seemed simply ridiculous to me. After he beat a guy at school, everyone started making up some bad boy fantasies, putting him at the centre of it. It was funny how indifferent he was towards it. He couldn't care less.  

I never knew why he beat that kid up or who that kid was. 

In the picture, Noah was playing chess with his little brother Carter, who I met in therapy. The post seemed cute and I started remembering why I had a crush on him all those years. Without realizing it, I liked the picture and froze.

Why did I do that?

Oh no. 

What if I un-liked it? But don't they see the notification anyway. Well, he was probably asleep now, right? So no harm there. But what if he wasn't? Oh god.

While I was thinking, a notification popped up. 

Noah Sullivan sent you a message

I swear I won. It may look like I am losing in the picture, but I did win. If you see Carter and he tells you otherwise, he is lying.

I blinked and read the message again.

What do I say to that?

Good?

Congratulations?

I bet Carter won?

I ended up writing something that I always teased him about back in school.

Your obsession with winning and making sure everyone else knows you did is getting out of hand.

And it was true. It was annoying back then and I bet it would be now. 

I can't help it if I'm right. You should be used to that, Ed.

I rolled my eyes and blushed for some weird reason. Nothing in that message was supposed to make me blush, so why were my cheeks heating up.

Sure thing, Sullivan.

He didn't reply for a while, so I put my laptop down and went to bed. 

Somehow, while I was drifting off, my mind kept circling back to chess, beat up kids and 44 percent. That's when I realized, that I, Eden June, still had a crush on Noah Sullivan.