The Cheerleader's Side Piece

Her Story(4)

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter does contain suicide/abuse.  If this is triggering please skip this chapter and read the bottom to be caught up.

People weren't born cruel.

They were taught it.

And when it was comprehend, it was hard to weave out.

For hatred, pain, and anger was built and loaded.  That smashing it wouldn't do it any good.  Not even the strongest human could tear it apart, because psychological torment is weapon that hurts not just others but also the individual.

And Cassie was no different.

Cassidy

My parents loved each other, still do. 

They loved me, still do.

No matter the situation, the issue or challenge their love was impossible to break.  Not once did they falter... not once did their love falter.  It was the fairytale love story, where the man and woman loved each other for eternity.  Had a family and watched them grow.  That's how I saw my family, that's how my family portrayed itself, that's how it was outside the house.

But behind closed doors... it was a nightmare.

My father, a drunk who cheated on my mother every 'business trip'.

My mother, a woman who is obsessed with ideal beauty that she would starve and force her own children to puke if their meals were too big.

My brother, no longer able to stand the fighting and pain that was our family hung himself in front of his sister when she was only seven years old.

Me... a disgusting, vile, humiliating, disgraceful piece of shit that doesn't deserve anything in life because she ruined her mother's body that caused her father to look away, which would lead to her brother enduring so much pain and hardship that his mind could only comprehend one way to escape it... death.

That's my perfect family.

For years I suffered, internalized it all.  I couldn't let people see the truth.  The shame, the pity and boohoos.... I couldn't endure that.  So I hid it, buried it deep within and put on a face.  I was only in middle school, a young girl who was pretty and perfect... her mother and father treated her like a princess.  Nothing could be hard in her life.

No... she had the perfect life.

So everyday I got dressed, wearing the clothes my mother would spend because she insisted that if I wasn't beautiful enough, no one would love me.  The clothes were too small sometimes so I wouldn't get dinner or mom would stick her fingers down my throat.  Being skinny was the number one way to be beautiful.  No one wants a fat chick.  No one loves a fat chick.  No one looks at a fat chick.  You mean nothing as a fat chick.

Nothing.

My hair was curled perfectly.  My face flawless.  There was nothing wrong with me.  Nothing at all.  If there was, it was fixed.  Flaws lead you down sadness... to misery.  That's what mother said.  That's what happened to her after I was born... her body was never able to recover.

I had hundreds of admires, friends and my teachers loved me.  I was the ideal student.  Pretty and a bit smart.  No one hated me and everyone loved me.  That's very important... so crucial to living happy.

I can't remember my friends names... nor their faces.  Honestly they all looked alike.  I got them lost within my thoughts that I couldn't possibly have time to remember.  But that didn't matter.  All that mattered to them was that I, a sweet pretty girl, was talking to them.  Maybe they had to retell me their names, but that meant nothing.  Because I was talking to them.