𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑⁰¹ʰᵉᵐᵐⁱⁿᵍˢ✓

³⁰a banger

luke

I blankly stare at the microphone in front of me, the voices of the people around becoming incoherent and muddled as if I'm hearing them through water.

My eyes are heating up from keeping them open for so long, staring and staring at the holes on the microphone instead of paying attention to the questions being thrown my way.

I'm left to ponder about Clementine and if being cold was really the best decision. It wasn't, I know that, I knew that, but I was still quite confused when I thought we were okay but then she went off to ignore me for a whole week.

I thought I'd done something wrong, that maybe it really wasn't okay when I left her place. I convinced myself she was busy with work but when she called yesterday evening and said she'd been ignoring me because she was scared, something in me snapped.

I wasn't mad, I don't have the right to be, but more hurt. Was that my doing that I scared her?

"Don't worry 'bout Luke, boy's adjusting to the time difference between New York and LA," Ashton says my name and I'm brought back to reality - not in New York with Clementine, but in LA promoting our single and upcoming album.

"Hm?" I look up at the amused faces of my bandmates and the radio host. God, I must look stupid, all blank-faced and hazey.

Calum laughs, mocking my confused expression. "Mate, you lost yourself there a bit," He tells me, patting my arm as everyone else joined in light laughter. "Clementine?" He asks in a much lower tone, away from the mic and nearer me.

I twist my mouth and look away, guilty that ever since New York, she was the only thing that occupied my mind.

Calum nods, knowing.

"So, how was New York for you boys? Anything interesting happen?" The host asks, an enthusiastic smile plastered on his pruny face - though, most likely, a false smile, as he is required to ask such questions and look interested for the sake of... whatever. "I saw some fan photos that you attended the Fall Fair, how was that for you?"

"Was that what that was called?" Michael asks loudly. "We just went, we didn't know it had a name,"

Ashton snorts. "Yeah, we just waltz into places, we don't really know anything," He jokes, receiving a chorus of laughter from the host and the people around managing the sound and cameras. "But it was fun. We met some friends there and the people playing were actually really good,"

The host hums, nodding and looking at the paper in front of him. "Was there anyone you particularly liked? I know they give some undiscovered artists a boost,"

Ashton nods, leaning forward. "Yeah, yeah, they do. There's this band called 'Reonide' and the song they played on stage was a real - it was awesome,"

"A banger?" The host laughs.

"A banger, yes," Ashton repeats with a wide grin. "But, um, New York. What do we think, lads?" He looks at Calum, Michael, and I and encourages us to speak up.

Calum looks at me.

I lean towards the mic and decide this would my question. "New York was amazing, we got to write and record some songs there for the album in the, uh, the legendary Electric Lady Studios, where Jimi Hendrix and so many great artists have recorded in,"

The host nods attentively. "Yeah, I heard. I know you usually record here in LA, so how did writing and recording in New York affect the way you made songs?"

I hum, the thought trailing back to Clementine. How did she affect the way I made songs? "Um, it kinda felt different," I answer, recalling when I'd written the first half of Lonely Heart with her. "A good different, you know? You're in a different place, with a different person, and you get these new ideas from them, so you just create until you have something good in your hands." I clear my throat and cross my arms, nodding at my answer.

The host smiles contentedly. "And how's the album? Is it finished? You've gotta give us something," He looks back at the boys.

Calum laughs. "Nah, almost. We're almost finished,"

The interview sped on and I spend most of my time laughing at whatever the boys were laughing at and making sure I wasn't answering other questions.

That's the last thing I need to do right now, my head's too clouded by what I shouldn't have and should've done when Clementine called. I know I should probably call and apologise but I'm not sure she'd want to hear from me after how I so easily gave her the cold shoulder. God, I'm an ass.

"You gonna call her back?" Ashton asks once we're out of the interview and into the car, being driven to another part of LA where another interview is being held.

We don't mention her name, but we all know who she is. We're wary of prying eyes and unwelcome ears, so we've been careful with mentioning Clementine's name and any of her friends' since we've flown out of New York.

I look away from the window and at Ashton. I shake my head. "I think I fucked it up," I sigh, looking down at Michael's phone as he's playing with a game I'm not familiar with.

"Why do you think that?" Calum asks.

I shrug, sinking into the car seat. "She tried to explain and I think I misunderstood, so I sort of went all... cold and stuff," I avoid their eyes and notice Michael's stopped playing, probably looking at me.

The tension wears thick in the air and I feel the heat of their stares on me, even the driver's, who's looking at me from the rearview.

"We'll figure it though, yeah?" Michael tells me, giving me a reassuring smile as well as Ashton and Calum. "We're going back to New York anyways, so we can visit her,"

I roll my eyes, leaning my head back. "That's two months away," I groan, despising the fact that I'd have to brave two months away from her.

The boys return to what they were doing, sighing at my despair.

"She's good y'know. Don't let her be another Sierra," Ashton mumbles, putting on his earphones and pressing whatever on his phone.

I furrow my brows for a second, about to defend myself from him but I shut myself up, realising that Clementine shouldn't be another Sierra Deaton.

Sierra and I were great together. We were both cheated on and fresh off a long term relationship. I was committed to moving on, she said she was as well. But as soon as her ex "realised" how good she was for him, she went running back, and it felt as though I'd been cheated on all over again.

We went on for a few months, I was even confident that we might last - confident enough that I was publicly going out with her, holding her hand, hugging her. And I was a fool enough to believe she felt the very same.

Clementine is almost the same, I suppose I draw in my kind of people, just a bit broken. But in almost every single way, she was different too.

My and Sierra's relationship was based on the fact that we were cheated on and needed someone to comfort us. We were that for each other, but as soon as she felt she no longer needed it, she returned to the person who made her feel that way in the first place.

Clementine seems so sure she no longer needs Aiden, her heart set on staying away from him, even. With Sierra, I could feel that she still hung onto him by the way she talked. I can't blame her, they were engaged at one point.

But I'm glad Sierra and I happened, otherwise I wouldn't have moved on.

It's been two years since we happened, and I'll be sure Clementine and I won't go down the same road.