MY LIFE

meh.....

Hiii.......so today i did something horrible. I won't disclose it but i left doing that thing idk why today i was back to that square. I really feel guilty doing that but idk.....i wish i had one good special quality in me so i was busy into it. When i question myself about my quality in academic i become blank. It gives me a fucking headache. I want to know myself. I m so fucking pissed at myself that i m not able to look it out. Yesterday my family were discussing about me. That i should have learned scooty in this lockdown. Yesterday it didn't hurt me. I wasn't Sulking. So me and two cousins brother and my mum and my pyari dadi were sitting. They started talking about it. I listened it. I also gave my answers and at some questions i kept mum. After sometime me and my brother sat and talked about it. He said that u should learn. I said why don't u teach me to drive car. Balance is not needed in that. But he said that u should know at what pace the other is driving and etc etc. Then i said there are many people outside who directly learned car. He said give me the name, and if i give him he will handover his phone to me. I really want a new phone now. So i said i will definitely give u a name. And then we talked about my phone and did some fun talks. I went to my house and googled it. There is an app called Quora. That app is really very good. Guess what there are many other people like me who don't know how to ride a cycle and scooty. And in them there were Men's also. They were confessing that they are 24 and still they don't know how to it. I m not making fun of them. I just realized that many people outside are like me but they are enjoying it and not fretting about it. I felt like they know my misery and everything. That app is fab....and i did come to know that i m scared of it. I m scared what if i fall or anything. I m scared. I am fucking scared. I confessed it today. And many people also said that overcome ur fear. I will try to overcome my fear. And rakhshabandhan is coming. Me and brother still not talking. I just get those night flashbacks how he was shouting at me and all. He is really not understanding anything. He and my cousin brother fought about anything and my brother is not coming out of the house. Always on his phone or tv. He is what should i say..... maybe later. Family problems are in every house i guess.

And one thing,pray for my daadi. Actually her one eye is now won't be working due to motiya i don't remember English word. And other eye operation will be done after 15 days.

RV.