Nathan Marsh's State of Being

Chapter Twelve

unprepared

"Hey, Nat."

I wasn't surprised to see Noel on his bed, reading that same book when I slunk back into our room.

Feeling like a teenager caught coming home after curfew, I smiled a little sheepishly across the room at him. "Oh, hey, Noel. You're up late."

I could see that he was tired in the way his eyelids drooped a little. I felt bad realizing that he'd more than likely stayed up waiting for me. Guilt hit me remembering I never texted him back. I couldn't bring myself to do it, too nervous I'd say the wrong thing.

I'd been hiding from my room for hours, spending much longer at the library than even I wanted to--which said a lot in itself. Harley even left an hour before me.

Now, I knew it was much worse to have this interaction in person. I should have just texted him back and avoided this.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

I blinked. Why did he have to say that? Be chill. How the fuck do I be chill?

"What? Me? Why wouldn't I be okay?" I put all my effort into not cringing at the way my voice went higher than normal.

Noel's lips quirked, but I couldn't tell from which emotion it came from. His voice was steadier than mine, calm and factual. "You weren't here when I got back from walking Nina out."

I waved my hand and blew air out of my mouth. I knew I was trying too hard. I'm sure he did too. "Nah, I'm cool. I had plans with Harley, sorry."

Noel nodded, but his expression was firmly rooted inside the unreadable territory. "Okay. Do you wanna talk?"

"Oh no, I'm fine." I shook my head but then I realized that Noel was doing something he never did. He was tapping his fingers over his knee, the way people usually did when they felt unsure. I changed my answer. "Or do you?"

I was surprised when he said, "A little, yeah."

"Oh. Shoot then."

While he talked I busied myself with changing into my sleep clothes. I could feel Noel's eyes on me, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up from the attention. Maybe deciding to change during this conversation wasn't the best of ideas.

"I really didn't mean to pressure you into that. If you felt pressured, I mean." I hadn't. I kind of wanted to do it again. I wanted to see Noel's face again looking the same way he had earlier today: high on pleasure and not just weed. "Nina just...she really wanted you to. I told her I didn't think you were into that kind of thing, but she insisted I at least ask."

"Are you into that kind of thing?" I asked quickly, my clean shirt halfway pulled on over my head, and immediately wished I hadn't.

He raised a brow. "Threesomes? Sometimes, yeah. It's fun, thrilling. Not that many women I see are into it, and I don't really go looking for that, but I never turn it down when the opportunity is there."

"Okay." I didn't know what else to say. I sat on the edge of my bed.

"Did you like it? With Nina, I mean?"

My heart skipped. For some reason I wasn't prepared for that question. I blinked rapidly and at Noel's expectant expression, I got my thoughts together. Slowly, I met his gaze and admitted, "I did, yeah. A lot more than I thought I would. I didn't expect us to, you know, do that, though."

He shook his hair out with his hand and then stretched his back. "Yeah, I'm sorry I just sprung it on you. We were a little high and I wasn't thinking like I should have."