Loving in Silence

Early Days

Beam POV

When the video played, the camera was focused towards the ceiling. Audio of three people talking with background noises can be heard. But Phana's voice stood loud and clear.

"Dude, is it ready?" Phana inquired. It's evident from his voice how tired he was. He was taking short and shallow breaths.

"Ma? Do I look okay?" He inquired again.

"Yes son. You're handsome as always." Auntie Dionne replied sweetly.

"Thanks Ma..." Phana stated. Then he gasped for air and started coughing.

"I'm okay..." he added to calm down his worried mother.

Silence prevailed for a few seconds. Only the sound of the video camera being prepared was audible. There were times that the screen shook too.

"You ready?" That was Forth's voice.

I heard Phana took a deep breath before speaking again. "Yes dude. I'm ready."

Next, the camera titled downward and Phana slowly came ito view. He was wearing a cream-colored bonnet to hide his balding head due to undergoing chemotherapy. A hospital gown completed his OOTD, a look he had since we had him confined in the hospital. The hospital's logo was emblazoned on the left side of his chest.

He looked like he was lethargic and in pain but was able to smile. It was best version of Phana that I've seen since he entered that hospital.

Something pinched my heart. That was the first time I saw Phana's face after his wake. Forth collected all of Phana's possessions in our condo. Even his social media accounts were all deactivated. All the pictures, videos, and traces of Phana were all kept hidden from me. It was Phana's request to make his passing easier for me to accept. It was torture but I know it will help.

Phana fixed his bonnet for a moment.
Took another deep breath.
Smiled. Before speaking again.

"Heyow dhyerhe!" Phana started with a greeting but he wasn't able to stop giggling silly.

T/N: The greeting was "Hello there" in jejemon. Jejemon is an informal way of communication usually using letters. They use additional letters arbitrarily to make the words longer. Example, if a jejemon will write "How are you?", it will probably be written as: "Hhauu ahrye yuhyu?". Yeah I know! It looks alien right? Haha!

"I can imagine your reaction while watching this."

"Forehead creased"

"Pouting."

"Shaking head and disgusted."

"I know how much you hate jejemons. Hehehe!" He said with a smile. He stopped again and held his chest. His face reflected how hard he was breathing. He massaged his chest before speaking again.

"I am sure it's been more than a year since I passed while you're watching this."

"Please forgive me that you needed to undergo such hardship. But this is the only way I know I can help you to recover."

He paused once more. He sighed and thought of something.

"I have loads to say to you. There are a lot of things going on in my mind. That's why I don't know where to start."

He gathered his thoughts.

"I really didn't plan on going in Forth's birthday party that time."

"He knows I'm not a social butterfly and detests parties. I don't like crowds."

"But for some reason... there's this mysterious power that forced me to come."

"So... I attended."