Mark of Love (COMPLETED)

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"I didn't go here to study. I'm looking for you. I mean I initially went here to study but figured you might be around so I looked for you.", Mark blurted out the words like he's in a hurry.

Those words played on repeat like a broken record inside my head. Going over the familiar words again and again trying to decipher their meaning. Literal and otherwise.

There's nothing fancy about the words Mark used but them being in the same sentence and in the order he said it felt unreal. It's in thai but it came out almost foreign to me. 

Mark never looked for me. He never had a reason to. And he never held my arm before or any part of my body if I'm being particular with details. And him suddenly doing all these things is making me confused and hopeful at the same time.

Hopeful.

I smiled at the word. You're really weird Vee. Just a few words from Mark and you're already getting ahead of yourself. I did a quick reality check and scolded myself some more like a parent would. I need that.

This isn't the time to be assuming things and getting brokenhearted all over again. The cycle has to stop. A year of waiting should be enough. There's no point hoping things will look up and get better.

Determined to finally banish all uncertainties and eliminate any residual hope, I decided to ask him. I have a lot of questions in mind but I can only choke out a word at the moment.

"Why?"

Mark didn't answer right away and only looked at me. More intently than before if that is possible. The grip on my left arm didn't hurt but it remained firm and Mark slowly turned me towards him until we're standing face to face then he put his other hand on my right arm.

My heart skipped another beat. It only happens with him. My own hands started sweating. Being this close to him is sweet torture. Whether it's more sweet or more of a torture I can't say. I can no longer look him in the eye. That would be too dangerous. So I did what was proper and admired the books.

"P'...I'm confused.", Mark finally said. I want to glance at him and see his expression but didn't. He sounded torn though. What could be confusing him?

"About what?", I asked further. Probably more confused than Mark is. I'm not sure where this is going and I'm feeling uneasy. Like someone at the edge of a cliff, I'm hanging on to every word he's saying.

"There's this problem I can't solve.", Mark explained after a long pause. I braved a look and saw his head hanging low.

I felt a bubble burst somewhere. What am I even expecting? A defeated smile showed on my face.

"Sure. I'll help. What's the problem about?", I finally replied after swallowing hard and mustering a less defeated smile. I know I can never refuse him.

Mark fell silent after that. His hands loosened their grip until they fall from my arms and hang lifelessly on his sides. I saw him open and close his mouth. He seemed hesitating. It's the first time I saw him this troubled and it worried me.

Trying to assure Mark, I touched his chin and tipped it slightly upward and looked into his eyes. I flashed him a friendly smile and a nod and with the most encouraging voice I can muster I told him, "Tell me what's going on. I'll help you."

It became Mark's turn to avert his eyes. He doesn't seem ready to say it yet. I'm afraid to assume things but the way his shoulders slouched and the look on his face made me realize the problem is beyond the confines of academics. Seeing him this way pained me so I didn't push him anymore and tried guiding him towards the nearby chair.

Mark sat and I kneeled in front of him.

"You don't need to tell me anything now if you don't want to. Just remember, I'll always be here if you need me, when you're ready to talk. Or even if you weren't."

I placed my hand on his own hands on his lap and gently squeezed them. I don't know another way to assure him.

"P'Vee...", Mark tentatively say. "Wait for me."

"I will. No matter how long."

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[7/29/20]
WED