Inner Peace, Outer Chaos| Alex Rider+Tom Harris|

Nine: Why Was It Me?

Dedicated to my awesome girlfriend!
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I knew it, the evil voice whispers menacingly.
Better get out of here, another commands, but with a much shyer demeanour. Can't break down in the middle of the library now, can you?

Although it seems mad, listening to an alternate persona in your head, this specific alteration speaks sense. I turn, and head back the way I came. Holly sees me, halted in confusion and panic. She puts her finger in between the pages of her book and swings her bag on her shoulder, nearly knocking out a boy next to her. With her free hand, she grabs my arm and pulls me out of the doors. Without hesitating, she drags me into a small cubby. Even in my dazed and terrified state of mind, I still realise she has a knack for hiding places.

Then I realise no-one can see us, and I'm weirdly comfortable around her already, so I slide my back down the wall and begin to cry noiselessly. This is the loudest silence I've heard.

She sits cross-legged in front of me. 'Tom,' she says quietly. 'It'll be okay,'
'How do you know?' I manage to spit through my tears, which cascade like a mournful waterfall down my face and neck. It's all I can do not to break out into loud sobs: the soundless ones already wrack my whole body.
'That doesn't matter. What does matter is getting you out of here,'
I'm about to ask her how she knows, but she already looks like she's travelled up to a thought cloud of her own. I can hardly feel her presence, and our knees are almost touching.
'I got it,' comes her eventual statement. 'Follow me,'
'Tell me why I should trust you!' I raise my voice a little, but it cracks and splinters hoarsely.
'Because,' she begins, wearing a knowing smile, 'I've read enough stories to know how yours ends.'
'But- but that makes no sense!'
'Precisely. Now, do you have somewhere to stay?'
'Aunt's place,' I say dully.
'Great. You know the way?'
'Duh,'
'No need to be rude, I'm helping you.'

I don't mean to be rude, I know that she's doing the best she can. But the last time I opened up, I got hurt. So my walls rebuild themselves, cloaking me like a shroud, and I don't feel overly sad anymore. I don't feel anything, just an overwhelming sense of exhaustion. I could sleep for years, I think. But maybe you should sleep forever. It comes as a giggle from the back of my mind, and it doesn't stop there. It barrages me with thoughts that I wish I could dispel perpetually.

'Hey, hey, you're ok. Calm down, It's gonna be alright,'

I hadn't realised that my body had gone into a near-comatose state while my thoughts blocked my brain.
'S-sorry,' I stutter weakly.
'Don't be. Hey, but remember. He loves you. Don't give up on him. I understand you don't wanna see him now, so what do you say to the rest of the day off?'
'How are you- what are you thinking! There's no way out of class. The teachers will never believe I'm sick,'
'They don't have to,'
'Yes they- where are you going with this?'
'We'll just sneak out,'
'This school is like a prison!'
'There are five possible exits.' she says bluntly, and with the addition of a flat tone.

I'm starting to see that this book girl is a good influence right now, but why the fucK DOES SHE KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE. It's a little concerning, but it takes my mind off of things. I question her about it, but she only responds vaguely.

'But,' she says, as she leads me to a gate near the back of the school, 'You should know you're not alone.'
'What do you mean?'
'I mean, you're not the only same-sex couple in this school. I have a girlfriend, her name is Grace.'
'We're not a couple,' I spit. 'He never loved me!'

The sadness I used to feel is fading fast, and its empty spaces are being filled by white-hot anger. Although it feels all-consuming right now, somehow it doesn't feel as infinite as the permeating melancholy that used to be the only thing I could feel.
'Anyway,' I begin in a loud voice, 'How did you even know we were-!' I can't think of the right word for what we were. She still seems to get the message.
'I have a brain. And eyes. Everyone knew you two were totally in love with each other- well, maybe that Alex liked you, you hid it a bit better. Also, I saw you guys arrive to school today. It doesn't take a genius to know what happened when Alex pulled you behind that wall,'
'You said 'liked', past tense!'
'You're right, he doesn't like you anymore,' Her face hardens as she opens the back gate and pushes me out.

'He loves you, dumbass.'
When I turn to argue, she's gone.
—•—
I spend the rest of the day in confusion and tears.