Priam and His Customers

3 • irritation

irritation

THE FIRST TIME Priam served a customer who was a vampire, he suffered immensely. Well, he might be overexaggerating but listening to someone go on a spiel about their preferred blood type five minutes before closing time still counts as torture.

Whoever established the stereotype that vampires were recluses had clearly never met June Fitchett Dorotheus McCoy VII.

("Call me June," the vampire had told him in-between ramblings.)

June was, devastatingly, a talker. Painfully so. Taking his order meant getting an extra one-sided talkathon ranging from the intricacies of Baroque architecture to some mundane topic about a horror podcast Priam hadn't heard of. Mostly, it's about something Priam has no interest or knowledge in, which meant that he had to nod along to whatever June was rambling about out of politeness.

Priam just wished June didn't do it minutes before closing time.

Unfortunately, like other vampires, June doesn't like spending time under the sun for too long. This is because they're naturally nocturnal creatures-("Just like bats and owls!" June said, then proceeded to rant about society's common misconceptions of vampires)-and not because sunlight burns them. They just think the sun is annoying, at best.

Sadly, June being a vampire meant he usually comes to the café at 8 PM-the one he jokingly calls "breakfast time". It also means that he comes in thirty minutes before closing time; just when Priam had already draped a cloth over the counter in preparation for closing up the café. It irked him how June just vainly saunters in and orders food as if he hadn't seen the 'CLOSED, FUCK OFF' sign outside.

It doesn't help that June rambled as Priam frantically made his order. Despite his best efforts in making June leave, he still ends up closing the café an hour later than intended.

Looks like today wouldn't be any different, too.

"-And you see, I was thinking about making fanfic about the two podcasts I was listening to. D'ya remember yesterday, I told you about that one episode of a vase that ate this one dude's husband? It was spooky and, quite frankly, hilarious. I've burned through three seasons for a week and can't bring myself to listen to the next season yet because my god, there was lots of angst in it. Also, fuck Elias, he can go choke on his own dick. Anyway, that's why I decided to listen to another podcast called Welcome To Night Vale, and now I just want to make a crossover fanfic of the two podcasts-"

"Here's your order, June."

Priam passive-aggressively slammed down the paper bag consisting of a cup of pumpkin spice latte and heated croissant on the counter. Thankfully, it snapped June out of whatever it was he was driveling about.

Upon seeing the paper bag, June raised an eyebrow. "Why is it in a paper bag?"

"Because you can't eat it here," Priam said with a drained tone.

"Why? It's a book café," June said as if it wasn't obvious and he's not talking to the owner of the said café himself.

"Yes. It also closed an hour ago, June. Did you not see the sign outside?"

"Oh yeah, I did," June said. If he saw the flicker of irritation on Priam's face, he gave no implication that he noticed and continued, "And, uh, I was hoping you'd make me an exception...?" He then smiled sheepishly, and it took Priam all his self-control to not deck the fool.