"My Younger Brother" Supernatural Fanfic

Don't Get Attached

(The first time I wrote this chapter I forgot about Gabriel and that would have been a big thing for Castiel so we're slowing the book down a notch just bare with me here) (I also forgot Balthazar fuck me) (boom update done now I can start on the next chapter final-fucking-ly)

I have to admit, Dean Winchester is a lot heavier than I imagined. I mean, the army of Angels I was assigned all just assumed I would be able to yank Dean out myself. I almost dropped him about thirty-seven times.

I didn't like how much time was wasted in his first few days of being alive again. Then there was that psychic. I tried telling her but she didn't listen. I don't know how she understood me in the first place but that's not of import.

Having Dean see me for the first time was exciting. Sure I had to find a vessel, but seeing Dean's reaction to me finally telling him that I'm here, it was all worth it. I grew attached to these humans. I was willing to smite demons for them if it meant they didn't have to kill another possessed person.

I was back under heaven's command, which made me believe I was never truly out. I followed their orders and put Sam and Dean in difficult situations just to prove my worth to heaven. There's still more of them they can still kill me.

When we had Dean hidden, when I learned heaven's true intentions, I made a difficult decision. I watched over these boys for most of their lives and I didn't interfere. It was about time I interfered. Besides, it was the right thing to do. At least I hope.

After the shock of Lucifer rising even with Dean's interference and the shock of dying and being resurrected was over, I had a lot to think about. And a lot of pissed off celestial beings to hide from. I didn't hide for long, since being friends with the Winchesters typically got you into trouble. When I lost Sam and Dean for the second time, only for a week this time, I felt compelled to find them. This time it could be any of the Angels who had found them. I scoured the whole town, at one point finding the Impala outside of an abandoned warehouse, though inside it didn't look abandoned at all.

The inside looked like some brightly colored torture chamber with Japanese written on the walls. There was two people, a man and woman, standing holding some bag out for anyone in front of them to see. The most important thing about it all was Sam and Dean right in the middle of the room, held by their feet to some machine. Sam looked to be in pain and Dean looked scared, which led me to believe my previous assumptions had not been false. 

I saw a door on the opposite side of the brothers and flew over to it, landing on the other side of the building and walking in. The brothers looked surprised to see me, and from that angle I noticed a whole crowd of people exactly where I just was. This room is an illusion, but what's causing it? 

Right as I was about to get Sam and Dean out of there, some force pushed me back. Far. Somehow, I landed in heaven, right by a large group of Angels. They don't look very happy to see me. I manage to fight my way to the gates of heaven, ending up unable to fly as my wings had been the main focus. Thankfully when I landed on earth I landed a few towns over from where I had last seen the brothers.

I don't know of anything strong enough to cast an Angel to heaven. Not anything mobile anyways. The only thing I could think of is an Archangel but why would any Archangel find an interest in toying with the Winchesters? Unless it's Lucifer or Michael there would be no reason. Raphael wouldn't mess with people and Gabriel left. So the boys are in danger right now.

I made my way back, using a bit of my grace to heal myself. I couldn't heal my wings, though. No Angel can heal their own wings. I managed to get a ride from some woman heading the same direction. I had never liked being in a car. They were slow and unstable. I dealt with it though at the thought of what could be happening with an Archangel toying the Winchesters. Somebody is going to get mad and attempt to kill someone. (My money's on Dean.)

When I got there, and when I saw what- or who- was doing this to the Winchesters, I couldn't believe my eyes. All at once everything about the situation made sense. Whenever I got into trouble, whatever happened to me Gabriel would make happen to whoever hurt me. I was sent to heaven due to staying in heaven all those years ago. 

I couldn't speak. I was sent to Heaven's prison. I stayed quiet so nobody would know I was there, but without my wings I knew I was screwed. The boys would never get away from Gabriel. I knew Gabriel wanted something. He wouldn't have gone around the only boys in the world with an angel tied to them otherwise. I didn't want to think about it though. The more I thought about what Gabriel would do to the boys, especially with all they've done, the more angry I got. I started thinking about how if I had just gone with Gabriel, none of this would be happening. Or at least not the same way. 

I was shocked when I got pulled out of the cell I was trapped in. Even more so when I realized the tape was removed and the external damage to my wings had healed. After the confrontation with Gabriel, I learned that he doesn't trust the boys. Telling them he left because of the Michael Lucifer fight. He left long after that. He left because of me. Maybe that's why he didn't say anything. I could see the difference between the way he looked at Sam and the way he looked at Dean. He looked at Dean with anger. Pure hatred. He looked at Sam like he used to look at me and Balthazar. Stern, but passionate. Knowing what he needs to do is the only reason he's doing it, but also believing that maybe there's a possibility of family. He looks at Sam like I look at Dean.

After Sam and Dean had left, I went back to Gabriel. We had a nice talk that resulted in yelling from the both of us. After that we decided to stay in touch, since both of us had fallen, but we would not go near each other. Mainly for Gabriel's sake. Gabriel also said that Balthazar had split off from him after stealing from heaven, which I was not at all surprised at. At the end of the day, I had to return to Dean. Which meant saying goodbye to Gabriel, and never seeing him again.

I risked everything for the Winchesters. For Dean. And I didn't regret it for a second. Not when Dean wanted to give up. Not when I became human. Those two were a good cause, and Gabe always told me to fight for a good cause.

I didn't expect us to actually win against Lucifer and Michael. Two Archangels who both pitied me and despised me. I could tell that if times were different then Lucifer would've found the Molotov thing hilarious. I also knew he wanted me to join him for Gabriel. He probably looked everywhere for him but even I only managed to find Gabriel on accident. Balthazar probably went with him at first. I swear if we weren't brothers those two would have a different kind of relationship.

I couldn't stand the thought of Sam in hell. Especially not after Raphael had planned to free Michael and Lucifer. Watching Sam walk away from Dean I knew something was wrong. I didn't care to find out what, because so long as Sam wasn't with Lucifer and Michael, I didn't care. I would have freed Sam even if I knew something would be wrong. Sam is important to Dean, and I've grown attached to him.

Usually Angels don't get attached. It's something we've seen happen for many millennia. Something or someone gets attached then loses whatever they got attached to and then becomes unable to cope. It happened to Lucifer when he got attached to the idea of God always putting his children before his creations. God called a species of his creations his children and Lucifer couldn't cope with the fact that he would have to care about a singular species more than God.

To get attached means to lose. You can't get attached to something without everything going wrong. Perhaps that's where I went wrong. I got attached to Sam and Dean due to their excessive need to do what's right. They always wanted to put others before themselves. They cared about each other and wanted to do good compared to the other's standards. As an Angel, I only tried to make my father happy. The other Angel's opinions of me and my actions did not matter to me. I only cared about other's opinions when it came to the Brothers. They meant a lot to me and I wanted to make them happy.

Throughout everything I went through, I didn't question how much I meant to the brothers. They could have only cared about me because I helped them and I wouldn't have cared. That was until the Angels fell. At first I was staying away for their safety. I would figure it out myself and they could continue on without the threat of Angels coming after me. I was so sure that I knew enough about humans to survive on my own, but I was struggling so much I felt overly relieved when the Winchesters found me. I also felt degraded when I was told to leave. 

To get attached means to lose. I got attached, and then I lost.