"My Younger Brother" Supernatural Fanfic

A dribble while you wait

I often think about death. The older you get it appears the more the thought comes around. There are so many ways to go. I just happened to get shot in an alleyway right after losing my grace. Such a terrible way for an Angel to go. A dishonorable way. Though after the life I've had here on earth, I suppose I don't mind. I have died multiple times but now it's obvious that this is the last time. After we had retired from hunting, we knew our next death would be our last. I always thought there to be a rhythm to death, but now there's no beat. Not even a simple melody.

I had met Gabriel first. My first friend. At one point my enemy due to a lack of defiance on my part. Such a foolish error. I wouldn't change it for the world.

I remember watching humans grow. One human did something good then they were worshiped even far past death. That was just how it worked.  Humans tend to look up to others, even when they don't know them personally. I was never sure why, it just made them seem weak. But it's kind of like Angels and God. Barely any Angels ever had the chance to see God yet we all considered him our father. I wonder what the Angels have been up to. 

I'm running out of time. These thoughts are merely distractions as I wait out death. It would have been an honor to be reaped by the original death like I had been before. Everything's cold. Nobody will find me in time, that much is obvious. I don't want to die alone. 

I feel tears threaten my eyes and I look up at the night sky to shake away my thoughts. The stars make me think of everyone I've missed for years. Sam, who spent his free time gathering hunters and making plans to further decrease monsters in America all on their own. Jack, my son, who only wanted to do the right thing. I hope he never wakes up in the Empty. He'd be so scared. Gabriel, my brother who died for the Winchesters three times. I wish he was here to teach me how to say goodbye. 

Dean? Of course he would have found me. He probably left the house after 30 minutes of my absence. He was never able to stay still without me. 

"Cas? Cas! Oh god Cas what happened? Come on, you'll be ok." He tries picking me up but I just hold his hand in mine. I smile slightly despite the static in my ears. Now this feels right. I'm ok with dying as long as I have Dean by my side.

I force myself to speak, my throat feeling dry and scratchy from trying not to cry. As I speak, tears run down my cheek. "My love take your time, I'll see you on the other side." I close my eyes and the last thing I feel is Dean's lips on mine.

(Why the hell didn't this all show the first time?)