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Showing Our Feelings...Finally POV: (Sam has trouble sleeping, you find out why)
You were cold. In your sleepy capacity you reached out for the duvet to find it flicked off you. You must've kicked it off, so you turn to grab it and pull it back over you and Sam but in your tiredness you find something missing. Sam. In the indent of his figure on the mattress and pillow was all that was left for you in the cold night. You thought he left for the bathroom, so you just grabbed the duvet and snuggled back up and fell instantly back to sleep.
That was six months ago. You and Sam have been together for almost seven now and every now and then you wake up with him gone. You asked Dean about it, if anyone knows Sam it's him. "Little Big Man has trouble sleeping because of our job, it comes with its nightmares but Sammy, he uh- well he told you about Jess" You were both in the kitchen in the morning while Dean cooked eggs and bacon for you both. "God, how could I be so stupid of course" You head falls into your hands, rubbing it annoyedly. "Do you think he believes that the same will happen to me?" Dean sucks in a breath. "I don't know, but his past girls haven't had a long expiration date- not to put it too crudely, he's just-he's had the worst luck and I'm glad now he has someone he can bitch too about it all" Dean smirked, placing the breakfast in front of you. "I mean it makes sense, he's terrified, I just wish I could help" You pick up a fork, resting your temple against your knuckle. "Well you can, just talk to him- tell him you've noticed and you actually care- which you do" Dean said, sitting in front of you, beginning to fill his mouth with food. "Yeah your right" You sigh out. "I usually, now eat short stack" He nods to your plate. You can't but laugh yet your mind lingers with Sam.
That day you left him be, you didn't want to force him or make him uncomfortable. Plus you wanted to figure out how you wanted to talk, what were you going to say, how you were gonna bring it up. It was a huge step in your building relationship. You wanted him to feel safe talking about it and that you truly did care about every inch of him, broken , battered, scared, you loved it.
It was the next night, three in the morning but this time you felt him pull away from his hold around you and leave the bed. As soon as the door closed you sat up. Contemplating and thinking, well it's now or never so what ever will happen, will happen but this elephant can't stay in the room. You walk out, seeing nothing but black till you reach the end of the hall. There in the dining room he sat, yawning. He rubbed his tired face, then shoved the hair back from his eyes. "Sam" You call gently. His eyes widen from surprise. "Did I wake you?" He asked immediately. "Um" You didn't really know the answer to that so you just walked over and sat down in front of him. "I know that you leave the bed every night" You dived straight into the deep side of the pool. "Oh" Once again his hazel eyes widened. "I mean, it's not every night-" "Samuel" You steadied your tone. "I know about the nightmares" His shoulders fell in defeat. The charade was over and now he had to face what he really didn't want to see again. "You do?" He forehead rested in his palm. "And I think I know what they're about" You take a deep breath, praying that this will go well, you don't want to hurt him, to rub salt in raw wounds. "Okay?" He frowned a little. "I'm sorry if I'm wrong but- are they about Jess?" You swallow. "About what happened to her?" Sam once again rubbed his face as if he'd rather be ripping his teeth out than having this conversation but despite his crippling discomfort you knew that this was needed, he needed to feel safe in his bed, with you. "Kind of" He swallowed, words becoming difficult to form. "Alright ;Remember when I told you that I could see the future because of yellow eyes, that some how-he would send me visions of people dying and I could save them but he kinda screwed me over with- as expected" He began, you took a deep breath and nodded. "Well they always come true and I guess now sometimes I think my dreams will still come true especially if they're bad" Your eyes soften. "I'm so sorry" You reach your hand over. "I wish I could understand how you feel, to help, I'm so- that's horrible Sam, I'm sorry" You struggle to build a sentence. "Look, it's okay" He tried to brush it off. "No Sam it's not but that's okay, but I want you to know something" You begin. "I'm not going anywhere, you here me- not without you and Dean and Cas - we all go done swinging or we stay alive forever, I'm not going" You grab hold of his hand. You see a smile fill his face, showing his dimples. "I know- I just get scared sometimes, y'know?" You nod with a smile. "I get it, I do, you don't think I don't have dreams where I loose you? I cry myself to sleep over some of them but then you know what?" "What?" "I wake up and it's morning, I can hear Dean arguing with you over breakfast and Castiel telling you both to shut up- then I know" You grin. "Know?" Sam laughed. "I know that I'm home" You take both of Sam's hands in yours, feeling tears build. "I'm sorry that you've gone through so much and if I could, I'd grin and bear every ounce of it for you, so that you could be perfectly happy. But I can't so" You kiss his knuckles. "I'll hold your hand while we both go through it together" Sam sighs out, feeling choked up. "Hey" he begins after a few moments. "I'm really tired- let's go back to bed"
You and him go to bed, quiet for a moment. Then you feel him turn toward you, enveloping you in his arms. Kissing your head he mutters. "Goodnight" "Good night" you reply, closing your eyes, feeling safe and content.
