'Hey diary, another boring day at home. Im too scared to outside because of my social-anxiety again. I can't even look out the window. The doctor said that I have to try opening the blinds.. I don't want to. What if someone see's me! What the hell am I supposed to do then. Im 19 now. I still have stupid social anxiety till this day. I have no friends at school. I can barely talk to teachers, I get panic attacks while walking in the hall. Out of all the 7.59billion people on the world, I was chosen as one of the hundreds or maybe millions of people to have social anxiety. I seriously want to go out and make some friends, maybe actually date someone.. if I ever spoke to anyone, how will I introduce myself? Umm... hi, i'm park jimin, wanna go for coffee.. nope. Thats a bit too awkward. Ugh im done.. goodnight'
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ms.park : jimin baby. wake up.
jimin just groaned in response.
ms. Park : c'mon. I want to talk to you for a second.
jimin : alright, just give me a few minutes to change..
after that jimin got up and slipped a hoodie over his head. He picked up his phone hoping nobody texted him. 'Phew' he thought, 'nobody texted me or called me'. He stretched and took sloppy steps put of his room to the living room.
jimin : hi mom
ms.park : hey baby.. come eat with us!
jimin : im n-not that hungry mom.
ms.park : 0o0. How could you turn down your mothers food like that!
jimin : alright, s-sorry mom.
mr.park : I helped your mother cook today son! C'mon taste it!!
jimin took a spoon full of the dish that was in front of him.
jimin : thats really good dad!
ms.park : all your father did was season that with salt and pepper
she whispered in his ear while laughing . Jimin let out a tiny giggle.
ms.park : jimin baby, I think you should go outside for a bit...
jimin : d-do I h-have to..?
mr.park : we aren't forcing you jimin, its j-just you should go outside, you dont have school today, so why not..?
ms.park : I-I agree with your father honey... maybe you could take your skateboard with you.
jimin : I haven't skateboarded in 2yrs mom. I think i've gone rusty now...
mr.park : you can always try and see! So son please?
jimin : w-when should I-I go..?
ms.park : how about this afternoon jiminie.
She said taking a bite of her food.
jimin : i-i guess I c-can. Im full. Thanks mom.
He said kissing his mom on her head and hugging his father, then walking over to his room.
jimin : ugggghh!!
he said laying his head on his pillow
jimin : why do I have to be forced out of my comfort-zone?!! im not going to cry this time!
jimin : fuck it, im letting it all out.
he said as he harshly slammed his head into his pillow and quietly sobbed, not wanting to be heard. Slowly drifting off to sleep, he suddenly heard someone singing outside, he didn't even bother tp check and just went back to sleep
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jimins POV :
I woke up to the sound of my alarm beeping, yes, I had set an alarm for 3:00 in the afternoon. I was hesitant at first, but then I put on my shoes, grabbed my skateboard, took a deep breath, and headed outside. Damn... I never knew how much I would miss the breezy wind and the earthy smell of our garden. Wow.. and then BOOM. My anxiety started getting to me. I felt my heart pound heavily inside my chest, I could only hear my thoughts that sounded quite loud. I cover my ears hoping the sound would go quiet, but no. It just kept getting louder until I shouted as loud as I could. Suddenly.. the thoughts went quiet... my heart still felt is if it was ripping through my chest. I started crying like I was being killed. I attempted to be quiet but I couldn't. I buried my face into my knees and sobbed into them.. until-
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That was the end of part 1 ./. ummm yes, i think it was short. But i'll try to make the next parts longer :))
bye☁️
