I'll Save Myself if it Would Save You Too

Chapter 2: Truth or Dare

Magnus paced back and forth through that beautiful apartment of his. All decorated for Alexander. The candles on the dining table were growing low. Where is Alexander? I texted him about coming at 7:00. It's now 9:00. He thought. Magnus pulled out his phone to check, quickly reading through the texts. Yes. Yes. It's all here. Magnus smirked when he read a very well worded text about exactly what he planned to do after dinner tonight. And Alec had responded that he would come. Not that Magnus cared much about Alec being late. He could easily redecorate any time. He just worried about Alec being eaten by some demon in battle on the way. He huffed and snapped his fingers so a cocktail appeared in his hands. He downed it quickly and kept pacing. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Magnus's face brightened up and he grinned turning towards it. He snapped his fingers so the glass disappeared and he paced over to the door, swinging it open. There stood Alexander. Hair tousled, stunningly blue eyed Alexander in his leather jacket that clung to his muscles and his loose black jeans. "Hello, Alexander, nice of you to come." Magnus smirked. Alec blushed deeply wringing his fingers over something behind his back.
"I'm so sorry I'm late, Magnus. It was- I don't know, first I fell asl- or I don't know. I had to rush so I didn't get to tidy- I'm- there was shadowhunter-" Magnus placed a finger over Alec's lips, making him blush even deeper and fall silent.
"It's alright, Alexander. I had other things to catch up on in the meantime. I'm just really glad a demon didn't eat you." Alec raised one eyebrow quizzically. Magnus huffed.
"Well it's not that unlikely. You fight demons for a living, once in a while, someone must get eaten." Alec pecked the tip of Magnus's finger, which caused him to crack a smile and take his finger away.
"Well, luckily I'm an archer so I don't get close enough for them to eat me." Alec was smiling brightly. Magnus beamed at him. He pulled his hands out from behind his back and held a flower out to Magnus. "Sorry I couldn't get a bunch, I was trying to get here as fast as I could and only had time to grab this one from the park." Magnus reached up to touch the petals of the flower softly before intertwining their fingers around the stem.
"You apologize too much, this is the sweetest thing I have ever seen." He slid his other arm around Alec's waist and pulled him close, looking deeply into his eyes. His crystal blue eyes. Magnus came close enough for Alec to feel his breath on his lips. A blush formed on his cheeks. He stared back into Magnus's eyes, captivated. "You're the sweetest thing I've ever seen. So sweet, Alexander." He purred Alec's name. Alec's heartbeat quickened in such a good way. "So sweet. So hot. So damn hot." He breathed against Alec's lips. Alec couldn't take it anymore. He pressed his lips against Magnus's, moaning and closing his eyes in pleasure. He pressed deeper and deeper, cracking his mouth open for Magnus to slide his tongue into. He did. Alec gently sucked on Magnus's bottom lip making him moan loudly and pull him closer against his chest until Alec was swooning. Magnus held him there. He reached up and gently placed his hand onto Magnus's chest. He slid it up, clutching at his collar, pulling him closer. Magnus shivered at his touch. They both heard Alec's stomach growl. Magnus slowly pulled his lips off of Alec's, resting his forehead on the one below, both of their eyes still closed. Magnus laughed softly. Alec joined in. He was pulled back upwards, his hand still intertwined with the warlock's, the flower poking through. Out of a sudden urge to make another gesture, Alec slid his hand out from Magnus's, taking the flower. He kissed the center quickly and put it into Magnus's hair, turning away towards the kitchen. Magnus blushed. Something about this simple gesture was so undeniably cute, he couldn't help himself. Alec came back to the main room with a cup of tea. Somehow he was both a tea guy and a coffee guy. The idea baffled Magnus.
"So, would you want something to eat?" He asked.
"Sure, thanks." Alec responded gratefully. Magnus grabbed two bowls of pasta from the kitchen and heated them with his magic, handing one to Alec who nodded his thanks.
"Well, how was your day?" Magnus asked. Once he asked this, something flickered in Alec's eyes. It was replaced by his normal annoyed look before Magnus could read into it. Alec went on to tell Magnus about how childish Jace and Izzy were behaving and how careless they are with basic safety measures. Magnus nodded. He knew Alec would go on for a bit about the safety measures. It was kind of fun to watch him rant about something he is so passionate about. Alec leaned back, finishing his last statement. "So really, you can see how throwing knives and lashing whips in a tiny crowded closet, where sparks are flying because that's the purpose of the closet, would be so foolish. They are just like children! Except my parents are never around so I have to keep them safe." Alec was all flustered. Magnus leaned forward on his elbows watching in wonder as Alec's hair seemed to bristle a bit like a cartoon character when he became this passionate about something. Magnus almost wanted to convince Izzy to light her whip on fire just to see Alec's reaction. Alec glanced up at Magnus realizing he had been watching him and still was. He blushed slightly. "Sorry I talked about that for a while. Uh, how was your day?" Magnus just had normal clients, nothing story worthy in his mind. They were both finished with dinner by now. He snapped his fingers and the dishes were clean. Oh the luxury of magic.
"What should we do?" Alec asked. He picked up the dishes to put them away in the kitchen. Alec was always determined to do something to help clean even though Magnus kept telling him that's what magic was for.
"Well you know what my original plan was. But now I'm thinking it would be nice to play a game."
"What kind of game?" Alec sat back down at the table.
"I don't know. Ever heard of truth or dare?" His eyes twinkled when he said this.
"Nope." Alec shook his head.
"Well we have to play then. It's a classic." Magnus gestured. The light in the room sparkled on his eye make up, matching the sparkle in his eyes. Magnus loved truth or dare. "Basically I ask truth or dare, and you choose. You have to do the dare or answer the truth. If not then... you have to take an item of clothing off. Whoever is bare naked first loses." Magnus grinned at this idea. Alec rolled his eyes but agreed.
"Can we drink?" Alec asked. Alec didn't like answering truths or doing dares but it would be fun to dare Magnus or get to know him better. The drink will take off the edge though.
"Sure, I'm always up for a drink." Magnus got up and grabbed the cocktail tray and poured them both one.
"Who goes first?" Alec asked, taking a sip. Magnus shrugged.
"You can."
"Alright. Truth or dare, Magnus."
"Dare." Alec thought for a moment. He had no idea what to say. He had to think of something he knew Magnus would never do.
"Take off your makeup." He looked up to meet Magnus's eyes.
"Not fair."
"Sorry Magnus, it's the rules." Magnus grumbled but took off his shirt, throwing it on the couch. His bare chest shone in the light. Shadows reflecting off his abs. Alec was starting to like this game.
"My turn. Alec, truth or dare." Alec leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.
"Dare." Magnus's eyes gleamed. He had so many ideas.
"Let me dye your hair pink." Magnus grinned. Alec frowned.
"Pink?"
"Yep."
"For how long?"
"A month." Alec gave him a very disappointed look. Magnus didn't care. He still smiled widely, both at the thought of pink haired Alec, and at the thought of shirtless Alec. He would get one or the other. Alec reached down below the table and took off his socks. Magnus frowned.
"Magnus, truth or dare." Magnus sighed. His plan hasn't worked. But by the end of the night, Alec will have to be shirtless, there was more than just Magnus's extremely competitive spirit at work here. He would not let himself loose.
"Truth." Alec seemed taken aback by this. He thought for a second then looked up in all seriousness.
"Why do you glamour your eyes." Magnus sighed. He made eye contact.
"I don't want it to be obvious that I'm a warlock."
"But why?" Alec asked impatiently.
"Not your turn." Alec sighed. Magnus took a sip of his drink.
"Truth or dare."
"Dare."
"Eat Izzy's cooking." Alec gawked at him. He shook his head back and forth in horror. Magnus smiled, he was caught.
"How will you make sure I do?"
"I will ask her to make me her specialty and when you come over next, I can watch you."
"What if I don't come over?"
"You can try." Magnus winked and Alec huffed. He knew he couldn't last long without coming over.
"Deal." Alec sighed. "Truth or dare." Now with the idea of Izzy's food in Alec's mind, Magnus could not risk dare. And he would not lose the game.
"Truth again." He took a sip of his cocktail.
"Why are you self conscious about being a warlock?" Alec was really stuck on this. Magnus swallowed. He was not comfortable talking about his past or insecurities. But that is what he signed up for. He would have to be as vague as possible.
"Not everyone likes warlocks." Alec, again, wanted more information, but he knew better than to ask again. "Truth or dare."
"Dare."
"I dare you to wear high heels to the institute for a full day." Magnus could tell Alec was really thinking about it. Then he reached to his waist and undid his belt pulling off his pants. Magnus smiled at his work.
"Truth or dare."
"Dare." Alec was taken aback by this once again but Magnus could probably guess what he was going to ask and had already decided he didn't want to answer. Again Alec couldn't come up with dares on the spot. He looked up when he got one and smiled.
"Portal yourself to the uninhabited woods and live there without any changes of clothes or makeup or food or shelter for a week, finding the necessities yourself." Magnus's gapped at this. Camping was one thing, but not even having a tent or a change of clothes or his makeup. Magnus thought for a moment and pulled off his pants. He was at a disadvantage because he hadn't been wearing socks. Now they were tied. Alec also happened to be very competitive.
"Truth or dare, Alexander." Magnus leaned back in his chair. It was three in the morning by now. But he wasn't getting tired. Even though he woke up at five in the morning for a client that day.
"Dare." Alec, too, would not give up. Magnus thought. There was one dare that he really wanted Alec to do, but it would not be fair to ask him. There was no way Magnus would lose, when it got serious, and he was down to one piece of clothing, he would do anything. Knowing this, he might as well get something out of his dare.
"I dare you to give me an hour long back massage, naked." Alec paused. Then reached down and took off his boxers. Magnus was shocked. Why would Alec turn this down? He offered to give Magnus a back massage almost once a week and Magnus has seen him naked almost more times than he could count. Alec had even given him a naked back massage before. Then there was the question of why Alec was not taking his shirt off, surely taking a shirt off is better than taking your boxers off. Magnus was starting to get really concerned as to what, if anything, was wrong with Alec's chest and arms.
"Truth or dare." Alec casually asked.
"Truth."
"Has anyone, if so who, told you they don't like that you're a warlock." Alec was really really stuck on this subject. Magnus sighed. Oh well.
"My step-father." Alec's eyes widened. He had never heard of Magnus's step-father, they were still relatively new to this relationship. Alec opened his mouth but Magnus cut in before he could further ask.
"Truth or dare."
"Dare." Magnus looked into his eyes.
"I dare you to choose truth next time." Alec stared at him.
"That's not allowed."
"It is." Alec took a breath.
"Fine. Deal. Truth or dare."
"Truth."
"Is your step-father dead?" Magnus raised an eyebrow.
"Yes? He was born centuries ago and he was not immortal."
"Good because I was going to make him regret making you feel self conscious about being a warlock." Magnus beamed at him. Alec must have been really, really tired to say something so corny and Magnus knew, but he loved it so much. He wanted to kiss him right now, but first he had to know what was wrong with Alec.
"Truth or dare." Alec sighed, and took a sip of his cocktail.
"Truth."
"Why don't you want to take off your shirt?" Alec's eyes widened. Magnus could see the clear panic in his face. Something really was wrong then. Magnus made eye contact with him. Alec was not one to break the rules, he knew this. So now he had two choices. One, refuse to answer and take off his shirt exposing whatever's the problem, or two, tell him what was wrong. Magnus had him cornered. He waited and watched Alec from across the table. Alec's eyes slowly drifted down, staying wide. His chest rose and fell, rose and fell, rose and fell, faster and faster.
Magnus suddenly felt his own panic rising, what was wrong with his Alexander?!

Magnus uncrossed his arms, pushing himself off his seat, and quickly found his way right next to Alec's chair. He knelt down beside him. Alec didn't respond in any way. It was as if he hadn't noticed. Now that he was this close, Magnus could feel Alec wheezing. Magnus's eyes widened. He reached up and put his fingertips against Alec's neck, checking his pulse. It was too fast. Way too fast. Magnus was really panicking now. "Alexander!" He shouted, trying in vain to get his attention. "Alec!" He started to shake him lightly, nothing. Magnus could feel his own pulse quicken. He jumped up on the table in front of his boyfriend and placed both his hands on Alec's shoulders, firmly. They were shaking slightly. "Alexander. Alexander look at me." He became level to his face, and stared into his eyes. They were starting to tear up. Magnus had never seen Alec, his Alexander like this before. He had never considered a side of him so broken. Magnus's heart ached at the thought. "Alexander." He said again. More firmly now. Alec's eyes twitched to meet his. They got even wider. Relief washed over Magnus, now he could at least talk to Alec. His pulse was still too high. "Alexander, you need to breathe. Slowly. Follow me. In." Magnus breathed deeply in, maintaining eye contact, he thanked whatever caused Alec to follow. "Out." He slowly breathed out. So did Alec. "In." They breathed. "Out." Alec had stopped shaking. "In." His pulse became slower. Steadier. "Out." The pain in his chest was fading. "In." His pulse finally became normal. "Out." Alec swallowed. He breathed. They both sat still for a moment. Breathing. Staring into each other's eyes. Magnus slowly leaned forward. He pressed his forehead against Alec's and closed his eyes. He slid his hands down from his shoulders, replacing them with his forearms and gently pressing them into his back. Alec slowly closed his eyes too.
"I need to know what's going on with you Alec. I can't lose you. You don't have to hide from me." He said in a low, determined voice. To Magnus's surprise, he felt him start to shake slightly. Magnus slowly opened his eyes and leaned back to stare in astonishment at his love. Alec looked away, his eyes red and puffy. Tears silently sliding down his face. He was biting the corner of his lip. Was he crying?!
"Alexander. What's wrong?" He whispered, eyes flicking back and forth between Alec's tear filled ones. Alec bit the corner of his bottom lip harder. He seemed to be in some deep debate. He opened his mouth, but closed it again. He swallowed. He looked even further away from Magnus and closed his eyes, took a breath, and pulled up his sweater sleeve.
Magnus looked down at his now bare forearm and his heart stopped.
It not only stopped working but completely shattered.
There was Alec's arm, his perfect skin, covered in slightly bloody gashes. Magnus closed his eyes and breathed. He opened them again. The cuts were still there. His heart started beating faster.
No.
He needed to stay calm for Alexander. They both needed to stay calm. He reached up slowly and rested his fingers below Alec's chin. He felt Alec swallow under his touch. Magnus tilted it up slightly and turned it to face him. Alec let him, but didn't meet his eyes. "Why." Magnus said softly. Alec sighed.
"Because." He shrugged. His voice was hoarse. "Because." He started again. "I hate not wanting a girlfriend. I hate lying. So much." A fresh tear slid down his cheek.
"I know sweetheart. Maybe you could tell them the truth?" Magnus's voice was as soft as it could be. Alec shook his head. Slowly at first, but then more firmly.
"No. They won't let me. I can't. I need my family."
"Izzy knows, right?" Alec nodded. "She told you that she loves you and that she always will." Alec's expression softened a little at this. "Jace is your parapati, he has to love you know matter what." Alec shook his head.
"He doesn't. He won't."
"He might. It's incredible how he looks at you. You're his big brother. His best friend. His protector. His inspiration. He looks at you with such love Alec, that will never end." Alec shook his head harder.
"You don't know that." Magnus gently tilted his head up so he could look into Alec's eyes again.
"Trust me. I've known thousands of sets of parapati, what you have, is special. Even for parapati." Alec searched his eyes to see if he was being honest. He was. Then he shook his head again
"My parents."
"They gave life to you, they would never want to see you suffer so badly." Alec stared frantically into Magnus's eyes.
"I'll be thrown out, Magnus." Alec's voice broke in the middle of this sentence. Magnus pulled Alec into a hug. He held him close.
"I would never let that happen. Neither would Izzy or Jace and your parents will come around eventually."
"It's just too much stress." He breathed out before quietly crying into Magnus's shoulder. He had never cried in front of another person. Not since he was an infant, at least. It felt good to be held. To not have to hold it back. It felt so good. "Does anyone know what's happening to you Alexander?" Magnus felt Alec sake his head. "I love you so much." Magnus whispered. His lips pressed against Alec's head. "I never want to see you hurt again. Call me if you ever feel like this ever again. Get me as soon as possible." Nothing happened. "Please promise me Alec. Please." He felt Alec nod. He knew how stubborn his shadowhunter was. But this was something Magnus would never let Alec figure out alone.
It being now, four in the morning, nearing five, Alec fell asleep, his soft shakes subsiding. Magnus had just enough energy himself to carry Alec to the couch a few feet away before he too fell asleep, holding Alec close.