You Never Really Can Fix My Heart

Chapter 1: My Fucked Up Life

Play the song when you're reading the part of her past. It goes so well with the sadness in her.

It's always the same shit. Someone adopts me, find out I'm crazy, and send me back to this hell. At first it hurt. But, after a while, I got used to it. I just numbed the pain with booze and my blade. But sometimes, the voices got too strong and no amount of alcohol and cutting could silence them. When it gets to that point, I write out what I feel. After I've calmed down, I look back at it and convert it into a song.

You're probably wondering why I'm in this shithole of an adoption center in the first place. Well I'll tell you why. While my druggie mother was busy snorting something up her nose or injecting something into her arms, my drunken father and his friend raped and beat me.

At school, I got physically and verbally abused. I would try to report it to the teachers so the bullies could leave me alone, but the teachers never believed me. They'd tell me either I was lying or exaggerating.

I literally had no one. I thought I was going to die.

One night, my mom passed out on the couch. Typical. After getting her fix, she'd pass out. At first, I didn't really pay much attention to it.

After a while, I started hearing my dad and his friend Todd talking loudly and slamming the fridge door every once in a while in the garage. I knew they were starting to drink and I begun to panic. I was scared of what they were going to do to me. I went over to my mom and began to shake her awake.

"Mom," I whispered, "Mom wake up please. I need you." Her eyes remained glued shut. Then I noticed that her lips were turning blue and she wasn't breathing. I panicked.

"Mom! Can you hear me!?" I yelled. She started twitching, her eyelids flew open, and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Foam started coming out of her mouth.

"Oh my God no mom no! Don't you die on me!" I yelled. I ran to the kitchen to call 911. As I was dialing it, a hand stopped me.

"What do you think you're doing darling?" my dad's drunken friend Todd slurred. His breath reeked of cheap beer and tequila. "I was calling my friend to ask about the homework." I lied.

If I told him about calling 911, he'd flip his shit, beat me on the spot, and tell my dad. Who knows what my dad would do.

"Liar," he whispered in my ear, "You and I both know you have no friends. You're a LOSER!" he yelled. He tightened his grip on my wrist, causing him to squeeze and probably reopen my cuts. I tried so hard to fight back the pain. Tears started coming to my eyes.

"Aww does the little baby want her daddy?" he slurred. I turned my head so he wouldn't see the tears threatening to spill out.

"Stupid bitch look at me when I'm talking to you!" he yelled. I refused and he slapped with such force that I fell. "I think your dad and I are going to have a little chat with you," he whispered, "I'll go get him." With that, he stumbled out of the room.

I quickly got up and finished dialing the number.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"Please help me! I need the police and an ambulance at 555 Wilkshire Ave please. I think my mom overdosed and my drunken dad and friend are going to hurt me. Please get them here quickly!" I pleaded.

"Please remain calm ma'am. There was a police officer stationed at the end of your street and an ambulance is on its way." the operator said. Before I could thank her, my dad and Todd burst into the room.

"So! I hear that my daughter's been lying to the adults around here! We can't have that now ca-" he stopped talking abruptly once he saw me holding the phone with a terrified look on my face.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing you little bitch?" my father demanded. I was so scared that I lost my voice. Then I heard a voice on the other side of the phone.

"Ma'am who is that man speaking to you? Is he your father or his friend?" she asked. "My dad," my cracking voice replied.

"HANG UP THE PHONE YOU LITTLE BRAT!" My father lost control and leaped on top of me and slammed the phone over my head. I began to shriek and cry. "What are you calling 911 for baby? You got me and Todd you don't need nobody else to take care of you," he said as he began to kiss my ear.

"Get off of me you pervert!" I yelled. I received a swift punch in the face for that remark. "Who do you think you're talking to you whore!" he yelled in my face while pinning my arms down. "Hey Todd looks like we need to teach this little shit to respect us."

Todd just smirked and began to unbuckle his pants while my dad kicked and punched me. Todd managed to rip my pants off me and I tried to struggle but my dad kicked my legs numb. I began to scream but Todd rolled up his socks and stuffed them in my mouth.

Silent tears began to roll down my face. I wanted nothing more than death to come and take me. Sadly, death never did. It felt like hours passed when the police finally busted down my door.

"POLICE! STEP AWAY FROM THE GIRL!" they yelled. My father looked at me in outrage.

"YOU FUCKING SLUT CALLED THE COPS! YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS!" He began to kick me with more force before the police were able to arrest him and Todd. I pulled my pants up with great difficulty before collapsing on the floor.

I heard muffled voices and sirens. Everything looked really blurry. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was my mom being pulled onto a stretcher.