I wake up from my dream and run to the bathroom. I violently splash water on my face over the sink hoping it would penetrate my brain and wash off the image of Roger on top of me, naked.
Are sex dreams part of the deal with being mates?
And the dream — it was so real and vivid. I don't know how my mind was able to play all that in HD when I don't even know what it's like to have sex in real life. I always thought us werewolf girls got their sex education from their moms, and because I don't have my mom, I didn't know about it. But now... I suppose you don't need your mom for this. The right guy at the right moment will do the trick.
Just like one might casually look at anyone entering the class, I look at Roger coming in and immediately regret seeing him. The image of his body from my dream flashes before me. I wonder how long it'll take for a dream like this to get sucked into a black hole.
Roger kisses Kara before taking his seat behind her, as usual. But unlike as usual with me, instead of feeling bothered by it, it makes my body remember the way I felt when he was kissing me in my dream. I press my temples hard, hoping it cuts off my blood circulation and I lose my consciousness. I feel so bad thinking this way about my "friend" who is the "boyfriend" of my other "friend".
I don't claim to be a saint and that I only think pure thoughts, but this type of feeling is beyond my comfort zone.
During the class I barely concentrate on anything but Roger. It does not help he is sitting not far from me, cuz if he did I at least would've stolen some glances at him and given some relief to this tension building in me.
I make a plan in my mind to turn around and pretend to talk to Dalton who is sitting right behind me and take a peek at Roger, but that sounds very risky. Not only Roger might catch me in the act but Dalton might, too, and he would never let it go.
After the class ends, I'm the first one to dash out of the classroom.
"Are you alright?" Kara asks, coming in after me into the restroom. "You left in a hurry. What are you doing?" she asks as I continue to splash water over my face. "I feel hot," I tell her. "Are you having a fever?"
I wish. But it's not a fever. "No. I'm just hot. It's okay. I'm better now." I'm not.
To make matters worse — cuz you see that's how the world works: things start off bad and then they get worse — we're attending Mr. Bosworth's gym training after school. It's worse because here's where Roger takes off his shirt to train.
While I'm running on the treadmill, which is the only equipment Mr. Bosworth lets me use in the gym, for my own safety, I've a clear view of Roger who is lifting weights. I feel like a sex-crazed, hormonal teenager checking him out like this and probably that's who I really am at the moment.
When Kara goes to her next equipment to train with she stops by Roger. They talk and laugh about something, which completely makes me feel like a shitty person who's neck-deep in guilt. And to add to that rapidly piling guilt, Kara stops by me, too, and asks me why I'm running so fast?
I increased the speed and started to run faster, hoping it'll make me focus on the running (i.e. not falling off the belt) and away from Roger who was back to lifting weights. "Testing my limits," I tell her. Which is not entirely false. I do feel like this day is really testing my limits. However, my body is not able to keep up with the increased speed so soon I bring it back down, and then stop running altogether to go to the restroom – to splash my face with water, of course.
