STARS | r. lupin (1)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

TWO MONTHS HAD PASSED AND NEITHER Althea nor Remus had tried to initiate a conversation. They were neither sending hateful glares nor longing glances, but rather ignoring the other's existence. Both of them were mortified and regretful, but both were stubborn and stupidly convincing themselves that they had done no wrong. Though, admittedly, Althea found this particularly difficult when she realised that their argument had taken place the night before the full moon. There was a reason he was so irritable, and it wasn't his fault.

The N.E.W.T.s had flown by in a blur, so the rest was just a waiting game, each student stressing over the questions they got wrong. Althea, however, had pushed those thoughts aside for a day in the sun by the Black Lake.

"Any of you want to come with me?" she picked out a bikini top so she could sunbathe. The water was too cold to possibly swim in, though.

"No, I'm good." Aubrey replied, flicking through a glossy magazine. The other three girls nodded in silent assent.

"Alright, suit yourselves. Feel free to join me later." Althea shrugged in response, quickly changing in the bathroom and picking up some sunglasses before leaving the room.

She had long gotten over her argument with Remus, though it occasionally crossed her mind. Like when she lied down on the green grass in front of the Black Lake, she couldn't help but remember his words.

You never think about anything but yourself.

For ages, she had tried to tell herself that it wasn't true. But, in that moment, she had been forced to admit to herself that she was selfish. Pathetic, really, because it shouldn't have hurt her as it did. It wasn't his fault, though his words were harsh. It was hers.

Perhaps it was just a coincidence, or a cruel trick of fate that in that moment, Remus appeared behind her.

"Hello, Althea." he said. Althea stiffened. She had wanted to talk to him, but she didn't have the heart. Now she had her chance. For once in her life she needed to be as brave as he was. For her own sanity. Tell him the words she needed him to hear.

Just... Water it down a little.

"Hello, Remus." she replied simply. She patted the ground next to her, beckoning for him to take a seat, which he did without hesitation.

"I need to talk to you." he said hesitantly.

"So do I, but go ahead." she looked up at the bright sun and closed her eyes.

"Okay, erm-" he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "I'm sorry."

"So am I." she turned to look at him. He seemed uncharacteristically nervous. "I should have handled it better."

"You know I didn't mean what I said." he told her firmly.

"I know." she hummed.

"And I was wrong. So wrong." he shook his head.

"Actually, I... I don't think you were." her voice cracked. "Do you remember that day in Hogsmeade when the Death Eaters came?"

"How could I forget?" he shuddered.

"The whole time, all I could think was that I had to save myself. I didn't even care about the rest of you, I just..." she squeezed her eyes shut. Don't cry, don't cry, why the fuck are you crying?

"Hey." he tenderly took her face in the palms of his hands. "You had to stay alive. Those are reflexes. You're amazing, and kind, and smart. Honestly, I don't know why you would ever want to be friends with someone like me."

"Someone like you? You mean a perfect human being that's too good for this world?" she replied, and he chuckled.

"So you're not scared of me?" he asked, almost afraid of the answer.