Driving Me Crazy

Chapter 22

It's been a few days since Shawn was woken up from his coma.  He still can't use his legs, but he's been working on his arm strength with his physical therapist and he's making big improvements everyday.  Luckily, the accident didn't hurt his arm function too much so the longer road ahead is the work on his legs.

He's also been attending multiple therapy sessions a week to establish someone professionally for him to talk to regarding his accident and everything that comes with it. We are most worried about PTSD. His parents and I are also worried he'll lose his drive to get better the tougher things get.

I've also started going to therapy sessions for myself because it's not only mandatory for the safety crew members involved, but I know that if I don't go, I will suffer and that in turn will affect all my relationships.

Speaking of which, Shawn and I are still just "friends."  I'm still by his side as much as I can be, but now that he's awake, I'm not there nearly as much.  His parents and sister are spending a lot of time with him when they get off work and school, so I usually don't see him around dinner time, or during the day when I'm at therapy or at the track doing debriefing meetings with the safety team.  However, every free minute I do have is usually spent at his bedside or cheering him on during physical therapy.

I'm sitting with him today and we are watching TV.  We've been binge watching as many shows as we can and it's been nice to just spend some time together.  Not even thinking, I switch the channel to ESPN and highlights from some of the races so far this year are playing.  Before I can change the channel they start talking about the Indy race from the weekend of his accident and I turn to Shawn.

"I can change it." I say quickly grabbing at the remote.

"No, don't.  It's time.  I need to see this." He says looking at me, grabbing my hand and taking the remote. I can't read the expression on his face and it's starting to scare me.

Images of the crash fly by on the screen. His car flying in the air, crashing into the wall, the four other cars involved, the fire. It's like I'm there, transported back to that day. Back on the track, watching his head bobbing, myself falling to the ground, Joe helping me up. The helicopter ride, the sobbing with his family and friends in the hospital waiting room.

The broadcasters are being overly dramatic and over analyzing everything. Shawn remains speechless at my side. The only sign I see that he's feeling anything is the single tear falling down his cheek. His eyes glued to the TV.

"Shawn?" I ask, concerned he's not even with me right now.

"Oh my god." He says quietly. 

He shifts to face me and gently takes my face in his hands.  "I'm so sorry you had to see that." He says looking me in the eyes.

"What?  Why are you sorry?  It's not like you could have planned that!" I say as I look him square in the eye.

"I know, but I could have died.  That must have been so scary for you, for my friends, my family... oh my god."  He just kept saying over and over until I finally raised my finger up to his lips to shut him up.

"You didn't die Shawn.  You are right here. With me.  In this hospital room. Alive." I say with a small smile.  "And yes, it was scary.  I thought you were dead, but do you want to know the one thing that kept me going?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"When they got you out of the car, you came too just long enough to say a name. It wasn't just any name.  It was my name Shawn.  You said my name.  Of all the names you could have said, you said mine." I say, now holding his face in my hands.

"You said my name and I knew in that moment I had to fight for you.  For me. For us.  If we were going to have any chance of making it out of this, I needed to be by your side every step of the way." I say reassuringly.

"Wow." He says.  "I can't believe it." He drops his hands from my face and wraps them around my waist.  "You could have ran and you stayed." He smiles so warmly at me.

"I stayed!" I said, leaning forward and connecting his lips with mine.