Deserted Desire

Chapter 11

Desirée lay still on the couch, hearing and feeling Alec’s even breathing against her back. The arm around her waist felt like a band of cold steel and she could feel the panic setting in, along with the cold sweat her shame had brought on.

How could she have been so stupid? She’d let her guard down and let him in and now… what would happen now? Nothing, that’s what. He’d go back home and she’d resume her life here, feeling emptier than she had before. He’d ignited a fire in her and now that it was about to be put out, she feared she’d never grow warm again.  

Damn him. She’d been doing fine without a man in her life, without sex, and then he had to go and show her what she was missing? Selfish bastard. He would move on, go back to sleeping with models and debutants and whatnot, and never spare her a second thought. And she… well, she’d still be here, taking care of her daughter and suffering the consequences of being so stupid and… oh, god… consequences… they’d had unprotected sex. Ohgodohgodohgod…

Desirée pushed at his arm as hard as she could and managed to get off the couch. She grabbed a blanket off the floor and wrapped it around herself, hurrying up the stairs and into her bathroom. She turned the shower on and didn’t bother waiting for hot water before stepping under the spray. The water was cold on her skin and she hugged herself, enduring it. She deserved to suffer for being so reckless.

When Desirée stepped out of the shower, she was numb – inside and out. She’d have to get to the pharmacy or a clinic within the next 72 hours and she could cross one thing off her list. She’d need to schedule a doctor’s appointment as well to get tested. There was no way she was asking Alec if he was clean. For all she knew, he might not even stop to ask himself whether she was on the pill or not. Now she just had to get him out of her house and as far away from her and her family as possible.

~~~

Alec woke as Desirée darted out of the living room. Not the happy awakening he’d hoped for. Did she regret it? Did she hate him even more now?

He’d been selfish, starting something with her that he wasn’t going to be able to finish. His home was in New York, and she hated the city. And even if she didn’t… Alec Grayson didn’t do commitment, and from the way Desirée had responded to his touch, he guessed she didn’t do casual sex. How long had it been for her, he wondered. He’d assumed she was involved with Zachary Steele, but… Alec shook his head as he sat up, bracing his elbows on his knees.

He’d really made a mess of things, hadn’t he? He’d gotten caught up in the moment and all thoughts of protection had gone out the window. He’d never once had unprotected sex, so why the hell would he risk it this time? She’d turned his head around completely, that’s why. He was too consumed by her to think straight. She would be on the pill, though, right? Wasn’t every woman these days? He might have lost his head in the heat of the moment, but surely Desirée Grimaud, who always showed good judgment, wouldn’t have risked getting pregnant. But she’d risked her health, a little voice whispered in his head, she didn’t know he was clean.

Alec could hear the shower turning off upstairs and he pulled on his jeans and buttoned up his shirt. He was supposed to leave today. The cab would be here to pick him up in less than an hour, he noted as he checked the time. What would he say to her? Goodbye and thanks for the food? He might actually earn himself a face punch with that line…

~~~

Desirée purposefully strode into the kitchen to get breakfast started. The taxi should arrive within the hour – she just needed to keep calm until then. He couldn’t know what she was thinking or feeling – she didn’t even know that herself, to be honest. It was best that he thought it meant as little to her as it did to him and that she wasn’t at all worried about the future.