Winter's Kiss (Summer Rain #2)

XXVI ~ Waiting

{Peace ~ Taylor Swift}

...I never had the courage of my convictions, as long as danger is near, and it's just around the corner, darlin', 'cause it lives in me, no I could never give you peace... 

----

20th November

ELLIOT

     The curtains had been closed for a little over a week before I had the clarity to notice. Darkness had been all that I could stomach being surrounded by. That, and my own thoughts, before sleep stole me away from them when it got too much. 

     I didn't want to be awake, not while she wasn't. 

     It was probably morning, I thought. Maybe. 

     My door creaked open, and I felt a breeze of cold, fresher air entering in with Benjamin and Poppy in tow. They had been on the other side of the door been since... Since it happened. I couldn't find many words for them. They brought me back to New York and my cold, empty apartment, left food I struggled to eat and updated me on her condition. 

    No change, they'd say. Nothing yet. At least she's stable; they offered instead. 

     The most I had ever gotten out of them when I asked about Ava,  was that she had been transferred back to New York from the hospital where she had been taken at first, to be closer to home and to family. And even knowing she was a reachable distance away, I felt like the world had split in two and the crevasse forming between us was insurmountable. That her sleeping would never cease and I would be lost. She was unreachable. 

     I didn't know how long it had been. My arm was still bandaged, and my head was still a little dizzy. A concussion, they said. I didn't care. I was fine in comparison. 

   "Afternoon," I offered, my voice low and gravelly, the sound of it unfamiliar. My own voice had been useless for days. So I slipped into silence. 

   "How about we open the curtains for a while?" Poppy asked, but she had already grabbed at them, ripping them open and letting a grey light in. "See, much better."

     I winced at the harsh light, my eyes adjusting. Benjamin stood closer to the door, watching me, seeing the slept in, messy sheets on the bed, and the lack of any organisation. I almost cursed him for even caring. How could anyone care right now? 

   "We made some food," he offered. "Want to come to get some?"

     I shook my head, lethargy pulling at every single muscle in my body. It would take too much energy to eat. 

   "Save me some," I remarked as a counteroffer. "I'll eat later."

     Poppy and Benjamin shared a look between them, and then nodded, conceding defeat. But there was something else, something they weren't saying out loud. 

   "Elliot," Poppy began, sitting beside me. "I know that things are... I can't even imagine how you must be--"

   "I don't want to talk about it," I stopped her. 

   "But--" She began, but Benjamin sensed her faltering and took a step towards us. 

   "You can't keep going on like this," he told me. "You've got to talk about it." 

   "You can't keep torturing yourself, it wasn't your fault," Poppy said consolingly. 

     But the more they tried to pry it out of me, the more I just wanted to run. But no matter what, not even sleep, could help me outrun the repeated, torturing images playing inside my mind.