Quarantine [H.S]

Chapter 7 (final chapter 1/2)

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Harry's P.O.V.

I finally get home after a few minutes of driving. My eyes are so puffed and irritated they hurt. When I finally placed my fingers on the steering wheel, they were quivering so much I thought I might have a car accident. Panic attacks are certainly the worst...

I've now managed to stop crying for a bit, but there's still a remnant, somehow outlined traced on my cheeks that still makes me look miserable.

My mind is so preoccupied with thoughts regarding the most recent event, that I even struggle to walk firmly and get my keys out of my pocket. After fumbling a bit to get them inside the lock, I turn the keys and trudge my way into the house. Now that my nerves have eased a bit, I'm being striked with emotional exhaustion. I just feel drained, tired of having stood by kindness and hope for so long instead of being honest and defending myself in the face of opposition.

I shake my head, feeling nothing but a surge of frustration. Sadness remains, but it doesn't affect me as much as I've now warmed to the emptiness it generates inside. I decide to go sit on the couch and just relax. I just want to get my mind off things, about everything that has happened. It sounds quite far-fetched, but if I let my mind keep reeling, I might risk my own health, leading to another panic attack, and I just don't feel like enduring that shit all over again.
I normally overthink stuff a lot, so let alone a happening that has just occurred.

After a few minutes of  laying down on the couch, it all hits my mind again, and this time, I can't control myself. It's just...Ugh... I can't believe that after all we've progressed in our friendship an innocent yet stupid kiss, along with a meddlesome girlfriend have managed to tear us apart. I thought that this time around, if things got tough we would be able to communicate our feelings. It just feel like we'd rekindled not only our relationship, but a special trust we only had back in the X Factor greats. I thought everything was going to be just fine. That's how strong I felt our bond had grown into. But, all of a sudden, he refused to see me. All of a sudden, instead of behaving like an adult, he rudly shuts me out after a kiss, and throws our friendship out the window without talking things out first. It just feels fucked up. Eleanor literally had to clear things up for him.

Ugh.. I just love him so much it hurts. Even after all this bullshit he's pulled off, I still feel awful after having told him all those hurtful words. I guess I just can't stand the thought of him hating me. It damages my soul.

I suddenly feel my cheeks wetting again. Oh shoot, here we go again. Why am I such a sensitive and emotional person? I was supposed to calm down. I know I can't be indifferent about Louis and my love for him just now, but ugh, I thought I'd be able to contain my emotions. To say the least, while I'm here, all an emotion wreck, Louis and Eleanor may be having the time of their lives now that I'm not around. It literally sounds absurd, as Louis reportedly came here to visit me. Oh, how the tables have turned. It just is surrealistic...

After a few minutes of weeping uncontrollably, I hear the door bell ring. I try to ignore it and immerse myself in the depths of my self-pity as I don't feel like seeing anyone right now. I just want to drift away as far as I can, until I no more try to make sense of reality and the world feels numb.

The door bell rings again.

Oh god leave me alone! I finally decide to go open the door. But first I take a cleanser and dab it all the way down my cheeks. I hope I look decent to say the least... I don't want anyone to realize that  I've been ugly crying. But I think it could pretty much be deducted as my eyes are still bloodshot.
Finally, I walk towards the door and open it, as shock washes me over.

"Gemma?"

"Hi Harry, I need to talk to you right now!"

"What- what are you doing here?"