If Only He Knew

While I Die

On this specific day, I had the honor to work with Tsukki on a class assignment today.
I'm so happy.
I can't breath.
It was hard to not be distracted by how gorgeous his golden-brown eyes are. I had to excuse myself a couple of times though due to choking flowers.
Once I returned to my seat, in a hushed voice, only loud enough for me to hear, he said, "So, you have the disease?" He looks at you.
Caught off guard from the sound of his voice and sudden question, you only responded with looking at him with shock that he knew.
"I'll take that as a yes then." He says as he goes back to his part of the assignment.
I can't breath.
I can't think.
I can't focus.
He's so perfect.
I love him.
I love him.
I love him.
"I don't mean to pry, but..." He starts, looking back up at you, "how long have you had it?" He finishes, looking at you with his normal blank face with a hint of curiosity and pity.
"... At least a month now, or so." You reply with sadness in your eyes, going back to your assignment.
"Oh... I'm sorry." He says with slight sadness
"It's okay." You start, while giving him a bright smile.
"Even if my love is one sided, I don't mind. Truly. I'm happy," looking back down at your assignment, finishing the last bit, "even if it hurts so much. I don't mind." You finish.
He just looks at you with slight surprise, but pity at the same time.
"Whoever it is... He doesn't deserve your love." He says as he stands up, taking both your assignments to turn in.
You just reply with a smile.
If only he knew.
He returns to his seat and plays with his phone while we wait until class is finished.
I can tell he's texting someone special from the smile he gives his phone.
I want him to smile at me like that.
I can feel tears form in my eyes, and an itch slowly forming.
He takes a glimpse at you, and his smile fades. He can see the sadness and pain in your glossed over eyes.
He pities you.
Right before the teacher dismisses class, you pick up your bag and storm out the door. Going to the same bathroom as before you choke up the beautiful yellow flowers of primrose. Then once you're allowed the chance once again to breath, you sit on the cold floor and sob into your hands.
I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.
What I said is true though. I am happy. Even if it means slowly dying each passing day. I don't care, he's so important to me. Even if it's not me who's got him so mesmerized and smiling like that.
I'm happy.
Yet, my tears won't come to a stop. Even if what I say is true, I can't help but to be overcomed with hurt and sadness.