Perks of being a wallflower : amazingly infinite

Christmas time

Over the past few months my brother has been helping Sam study for her SATs. So every time I see him walking through the door he has a huge smile plastered on his face. Which makes me chuckle every time I see it. I like that he's able to have this time with her. These are the times he will look back on fondly.

I however haven't exactly had the best time.
Of course I still hang out with Patrick. He's my best friend after all, but that doesn't mean I don't still feel a bit awkward or weird around him. I don't let it show though. Just because I feel weird doesn't mean Patrick should. So everything seemed to go back to the way things were.
Except they weren't, not really anyway.
Every time I'm around Patrick I get that same feeling I felt at the party. He could simply smile at me or laugh, and I feel like butterflies will irrupt from my body. The worst part about it though...

Is that it hurts me.

Every single time I get that feeling, after only a few seconds, I feel horrible. As if someone had stabbed me repeatedly in the chest because I know.
I know that Patrick doesn't feel the same, and then I feel utterly stupid for letting myself feel this way.
But nonetheless I cannot bring myself to stop seeing Patrick. That just hurts even more. That's actually the first thing I tried. For a month I didn't talk to him, but I couldn't bare it anymore. Apparently neither could Patrick. When I was about to call him, someone knocked on the door. After opening it I was engulfed in a hug from a restless Patrick. He asked me continuously what was wrong, and why I hadn't talked to him.
I never did give him an answer, but that didn't bother him though. He simply told me to never do that again. Jokingly saying that if I did he might die. If he only knew what I was going through.

So through the past few months I've been covering up my hurt. Which was really hard because I've never liked lying. I suppose this would have to be the  only one I keep up.

It was now December and close to Christmas. Which meant it was almost Charlie's and my birthday. Which I didn't tell the others because I don't like to make a big deal about it.
Although this also meant it was time for Sam's secret Santa. Now sense there are seven of us everyone decided just to let Charlie and I team up. Probably because of the fact we're twins, but I don't mind.
What made it even better was the fact we got Patrick. I was elated.
I knew exactly what to get him, or should I say..
Make him.

After the Secret Santa started
one by one everyone would see there gifts in their locker. I remember seeing Charlie's face when he got his. Someone had gotten him a suit-like outfit.
I laughed at how he furrowed his eyebrows at it. He looked so confused, and apparently it just got even better. He had been told in a note to wear such outfit at the Christmas party.

Me however...
I got only a note saying that I would receive my present at the party.I raised my eyebrow at the note at first until I recognized the handwriting.
Which made me chuckle.
Patrick

Once it was the night of the actual party everyone was in good spirits. Especially Sam, she had gotten her new SAT scores. She got 1210.
She had announced that at the end of a show, and everyone was happy for her. Patrick was practically in pure shock after hearing her scores. I swear I thought I was going to die from laughing to much. His expression was priceless.
It was almost as good as when he  got a C- for workshop.

"No more applications!
No more SATs!!"
Sam screamed joyfully as she was spinning around on Charlie's back. I laugh at the two of them.
Upon hearing my laugh Patrick thought it was a good idea to pick me up as well. I screamed as he threw me over his shoulder.