What Really Happened: A Memoir from the Apocalypse

Chapter 17: False Hope

4 weeks later:

Daryl returned with the news that my aunt Beth was alive, but was taken hostage in a hospital in Atlanta. He had escaped the prison with her, and lost her along the way. Him and Carol tracked her kidnappers down to the place she was taken, but once they got there, they took Carol too. Him, Rick, Sasha, and Tyreese went to save them and bring them back.

I paced around the church. "It's been a month, where are they?"

"They're trying to save the world and two of our own. That can take a while," Carl said. "They'll be back."

Gabriel buried his face in his hands, and looked as sick as he did since the moment I saw him, when he was surrounded by walkers.

I pointed my head towards the ceiling and rolled my eyes. "What even is it?"

"Your people murdered others here," he whined. "And you're acting like it never happened."

I knelt in front of him. "Do you have any idea what those people did? They locked us in a train-car for days, and planned on eating us alive. They ate Bob's leg. And that was just us. Who knows what they did to others. We do what we have to do."

"They surrendered."

I scoffed. "People like that don't get to surrender. Sometimes a surrender doesn't mean shit. We're trying to help you, Gabriel. Trying to save you. The people who are weak, who can't defend themselves and the people they care about against anything, no matter what, they don't last long."

"I saw what you people did. And it was more than self-defense. I already have to make things right with God. I'd rather die in cold-blood than live to deal with what comes after doing something like that."

I shook my head. "God's not mad at us. You really think He's just gonna use some magic wand to save you? No, He wants us to learn how to survive. He gave us the tools to do so, to fight against the enemy. That's what this is about. We know what's right, and we defend that against the people who don't."

"You're saying this as a child of God?"

"I'm saying this as a kid who's still here."

...........................................................

Carl and I sat on opposite sides of the floor. We held Judith's hands, helping her wobble from one of us to the other. I coached her as she smiled at me from Carl's side, and took her first steps, making it all the way to me by herself. I held her up in the air as we cheered for her.

Michonne picked her up from my arms to congratulate her.

"Where's Gabriel?" I asked her.

She sighed. "I don't know. I heard you talking to him earlier."

"I was just trying to help."

"I know. But if he's not ready to hear it, it's not on you."

My gaze was stuck to the hardwood. "Do you really think my parents are out saving the world right now? Why do you really think it's taken them this long?"

She stared back at me as she configured a response. "When they get back, we'll go save Aunt Beth and Carol. At least there's that."

"It's not the cure that matters. We do. Even if there is one, things aren't gonna change with the snap of a finger. We have to believe in people, and help them too, so they can make it far enough to see it for themselves."

Thumping sounded from outside. "Please! Let me in! Please! Let me in! They're close! Help! They're coming! Please don't leave me out here!"

We ran towards the door.

"Don't leave me out here! I had to see it! I know now! Let me live with it!"

I aimed my gun at the door. Carl tried to yank the piece of wood out from the lock. Michonne hit the door with an axe until the wood fell apart. Gabriel jumped in, and walkers followed him. We backed away. A chill moved through my face, and I switched my gun for my knife. Michonne led the walkers to her so she could slice them with her Katana. But there were too many.

"The rectory, come on," Gabriel said.

The crawl space laid in the middle of the small room's floor. We dropped into it, and squeezed ourselves through it one by one, until we reached the grass at the outside of the church.

Gabriel was the last one to crawl through. He bent to his knees, exhausted. "I can't run anymore."

"We're not running," Michonne told him.

We nailed the door shut with the backs of our guns, trapping the walkers in. Their hands reached out of the crack in between the two doors, grabbing for us. We backed away, stepping off of the entrance. The church started to collapse.

"Where do we go?" Carl asked.

We looked to Michonne for answers, but could tell she didn't have any.

A zooming force crashed into the church. A firetruck blocked the entrance to keep it closed. Abraham was in the passenger's seat, and my parents were next to him.

I ran to hug them. "What's the cure? Did you find it?"

Dad bowed his head, frustrated. "There isn't one. Eugene lied. He's not a scientist."

...................................................................

I sat in the front of the firetruck when we were on the way to save Aunt Beth and Carol. I stared out the window at the fallen autumn leaves on the road, and was silent.

"This anger towards him, you've gotta let it go," Dad told me. "He was in a bad place. He's lost something too. We all did."

"It didn't surprise me. Ever since we met him, I saw him for the stupid and useless coward that he is."

"Hey," Tara interrupted. "He regrets it, Mal. He wasn't thinking."

"We bent over backwards for him, for nothing. What he did affected all of us. We had his back when we didn't have to. I knew there was never a cure. But you believing in it, that set us back."

Dad gave me a look, not liking how I thought. "We have to believe there was. And there still could be. This isn't the world we're stuck with. We have to work towards something better, even if we fail at first. No matter how long it takes."

"This is the world now," I told him. "And I've accepted it. And holding out hope that it's not, that's not gonna change anything. You should accept it too."

...................................................................

We pulled into the entrance of Grady Memorial Hospital, slid out of the truck, and pulled out our guns. Tents were on the side of the concrete that led to the front door. Few walkers stepped out from behind them.

Rick walked out of the entrance door and shook his head. Tyreese and Carol held each other's arms and sobbed, following him. In that moment, I knew what happened. I covered my mouth as tears escaped my eyes. I fell to the ground after Mom, and her scream filled my ears. The concrete chilled my hands and knees. Daryl's gaze was down, and his lour stuck to his face, carrying my aunt's bloody body towards us.