Mercy | Relief

Chapter twenty-one

Chapter 21 •

JEANIE

Dear Travis,

I don't really know what to write about anymore. I have always written about you.

But I'm losing you.

And I always seem to fill a page talking about you anyway. Which is kind of ironic.

So since I'm just going to keep quiet with what I'm feeling right now, this is going to be short.

I'm just going to say this:

I didn't say I loved you back the second time you proposed. So I'm saying it now.

I love you.

Jeanie.

I stare at the words I had just written and feel myself beginning to drain away. My feelings drift away as I stare at those words.

The past few days have been horrible.

Jared and Fran told me that they had helped Travis put all his stuff in a moving van.

Which meant it's only a matter of time before he is able to move.

And that meant he is going to be millions of miles away from me.

I want to go with him. So bad.

But I know that could never work. He would be so concerned with my welfare that it could never work. We'd never be happy, always looking over our shoulders, being super cautious.

I thought about us living someplace so remote nobody could find us.

We'd get married again, get a house somewhere, maybe on the other side of the world, and just... be together. That is all I want.

To be with him.

I thought of all the stupid and selfish reasons to have him. To be with him. And knew I could never put him through that.

I couldn't live with myself.

I keep telling myself to let him go. Let him live his life, far away. From me. And for him to be happy.

And then I laugh. Because I think of how could he possibly be happy without me.

Stupid. Stupid.

Of course he can. He is happy living without me for a year. With Lucy.

But to be fair, he is hypnotized.

But if he is really unhappy, without me, wouldn't he have felt something missing and remembered?

I'm just overthinking everything.

Fran invited me to go out with her to get some food since Jared is going to be out of town.

I told her yes. Then kind of regretted it because it is at Travis' favorite place. But Fran didn't know that. At least I don't think she did.

Who would have told her?

We arrive, and I try not to remember the times Travis' took me here. The times when we were together forever and ever.

At least we thought so at those moments.