Shadow and Stars

Six

I avoided Julian all night last night and today, but it hasn't been easy; he is insistent that we talk about what happened at the library, and I refuse to revisit the topic. I'd just like to push it out of my mind and forget it ever happened.

As if that were possible. The ashes the assignment sheet had left behind in my hand might as well be burned into my skin.

"Psst, Camryn," a voice whispers behind me, and I glance back to see Julian beckoning me over.

We are in Ms. Ferguson's class, and for the last five minutes of the period we're supposed to be with our partner discussing the project. But to discuss the project, I have to talk to him.

I turn back to the front, my eyes glued to the whiteboard. Ms. Ferguson cocks her head to the side. "Camryn, Julian? Why aren't you participating?"

I open my mouth to answer, but Julian speaks up first. "We're getting there. Sorry I'm a little slow today—I woke up with a pounding headache," he says smoothly, and I'm impressed by the quickness of the lie.

Ms. Ferguson nods and turns back to the board. "Get busy."

I squirm in my seat as Julian pulls up a desk and places it directly in front of mine. "Camryn, we have to talk."

"I know, we need to make sure we have all the things we need for the project," I reply before the sentence has fully left his lips.

He crosses his arms over his chest. "Fine. But I'm not letting this go. Please meet me after school in the courtyard. I don't want to do this, but I will let my grade slip if you don't tell me what the fuck is going on. And you know what'll happen if my grade slips..."

"That's blackmail."

"Ah, but it has a certain logic to it," he says with a smirk.

I lean forward and hiss, "It's none of your business, Julian."

He matches my posture and whispers, "See, I kind of think it is. You seem to be able to wield fire. That could be dangerous for our little town, and as a concerned citizen, I want to be prepared."

"I don't know what you think you saw, but your eyes were playing tricks on you." I'm tired of this line; it's my argument to Levi, which puts a horrifying thought in my head that I push away before it can develop.

The bell rings and as the students clamor out, he stands and throws his backpack over his shoulder. Before he walks out the door, he says, "Plus, you saved me one time. I'd really like to return the favor."

Shaking my head, I reply, "I don't need your help. I just want to do the project and get it over with."

He raises his eyebrows at me, but all he says before disappearing into the crowd is, "Meet me in the courtyard, Camryn."

All day, I question meeting Julian to talk about what's going on with me when I don't even have a grasp on it myself. It seems pointless and dangerous on one hand, but on the other, it might be a relief to confide in someone else.

And of all people I could confide in, maybe Julian would be the one to not run away screaming.

At 2:58, I still haven't decided what to do, and I'm headed toward my car when something compels me to turn around.

Julian is sitting under the only shade tree on campus, reading The Turn of the Screw again as if he's been waiting for me for hours. My footfalls on the soft grass give me away, and he glances up, his eyebrows raised as if he's surprised to see me.

"Well, I'm shocked," he says, closing the book and dropping it on top of his backpack.

"Why?" I ask, sitting on the sidewalk across from him, pulling my legs underneath me.

"I didn't think you'd show," he says, as if the answer should've been obvious.

"Well, I didn't think I would either, but I know we have to get this project done, so here I am."

"What happened at the library?"

Damn, no beating around the bush.

"I don't know what you're..." I start, but then with a sigh I say, "I don't know."

"Well, that's a start. At least you're admitting that something happened."

"I know something happened, Julian. A piece of paper ignited in my hand," I whisper, leaning toward him.

"Has anything like that ever happened before?" he asks, and it strikes me he isn't telling me it's impossible or looking at me like I'm insane. 

I chew my lip and my eyes dart left to right, making sure no one is around. "It was the first time I've caught anything on fire," I whisper.

One of his dark eyebrows arches and he folds his hands in his lap as if to say, go on.

So against my better judgment, against everything in me screaming to keep this a secret, I spill it all—the visions, Levi seeing me kissing another guy, the cheating fiasco, the cracked windshield, the chemistry test.

When I'm done spilling my guts, Julian stays silent, and I want to shake him. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?" I ask, twisting my ponytail around my fingers.

He leans back against the tree and pulls his knees up to his chest, and when he speaks, he's quiet with a pensive expression on his face. "Who do you think Levi saw? And Mr. Burke? If you're certain it wasn't you."

I shake my head, sliding my hand into the front pocket of my backpack and pulling out a Crescent Hotel mint, a comfort I'm in desperate need of. "I don't know. If I knew, I could figure this out, but I have no idea. Do I have some kind of—"

"What is that?" Julian asks, his piercing green-and-brown hazel gaze on the wrapper in my hand.

"It's a mint...have you never seen one before?"

"Where is it from?"

"The Crescent. My dad brings them home for me." 

"Your dad works at the Crescent." It's more of a statement than a question.

"Yes...wh—"

Julian bends over and shoves his books into his backpack and stands above me in an instant, slinging the bag over his shoulder.

"What—where are you going?" I ask, scrambling to my feet.

"I have to go, I just remembered I told my aunt I'd be home early," he says, already walking toward the parking lot.

I move toward him to grab his arm, but he's already out of my reach. "Julian! I just bared my soul to you, and you just get up and leave?" I call, my voice shaking, mind racing with anxiety and regret; I should've never trusted him.

"It's not like that, Camryn. Listen, I'll text you later, okay?" he promises as he runs out of sight.

"Yeah, right," I murmur, chomping on the mint as I trudge to my car.