Behind These Wings

Trusting Love

Sometimes Izzy felt like it was simply a matter of producing a wide enough grin for long enough; perhaps that was all it would take to convince everyone, even herself, that she was happy. Her lips stretched, plastered into their awkward position, revealing her teeth. That simple action seemed to convince others that she was happy; why should her own mind operate any differently?

Happy to stand mindlessly behind an angel for the rest of her life, forever suppressing any real thought in favour of not showing up her husband.

Be perfect.

Live for him.

No wrong moves.

She wondered sometimes why no one seemed to notice that the smile didn't touch her eyes, why no one saw that spark of mischief had been extinguished, that any real joy had evaporated. The harsh truth was that they probably did. Every person in this Palace had probably noticed and yet each of them ignored it.

Don't pry.

Don't intrude.

Don't meddle.

They were too caught up in the rules of society to ever realise that that was all she needed; someone to break the rules.

Someone to care, someone to ask, someone to take an interest.

Of course, no one ever would. It was all just a show, hollow words with no depth. Questions were asked but the answers were delivered to closed ears. They were blind to the world around them through pure selfishness alone. Heaven may be the home of angels but many of them lacked any angelic qualities.

Even as she felt Drew's hand brush over her knee in, what she hoped he intended to be a comforting gesture, Izzy couldn't help but wonder what Drew's motivation was. When he suddenly proclaimed that he loved her again after demonstrating the contrary for so many months prior she wondered if it was all just for show too. Did Drew regard her as his duty? His obligation? Was he using her to show the public that he was a stable figure that could manage to control his own marriage?

Her gaze flicked from the documents she sorted through to her husband. He too was working, nose buried in the reports regarding the refugees. His soft features scrunched up as he tried to decipher the code like language that the document presented but he sensed Izzy's gaze and lifted his eyes to meet hers. A smile adorned his face and Izzy had to hold back a flinch.

What was that smile hiding?

Hers held behind it a multitude of sins, every insecurity she had ever felt and the desperation that consumed her being. Was Drew's masking the hate and disgust that he really felt?

He must be.

Trust had always been something Izzy had had problems with. She had never truly believed that those close to her wouldn't leave her since her parents died and exposed her to the brutality of the world around her. In reality people couldn't be trusted and Izzy had learnt this at a very young age. However, now she realised that in order for someone to prove themselves worthy of your trust you first had to give it to them. You had to make yourself vulnerable. Weak.

That was something that Izzy couldn't do.

After Darren she wondered if she would ever be able to let herself be exposed to anyone ever again. Would that always be just that one step too far?

Izzy's fingers paused their continual flicking as her mind became completely consumed in her thoughts. She wasn't taking in any of the words inked onto the document before her and she couldn't seem to find the motivation to refocus on the task in hand.