If You Wanted to be my Father

When you Thought you Knew Pain

Harry's day with the Weaselys and Hermione, was one of the best days he had had all summer.
"Ron!" Harry came barreling towards his best friend

"Hey Harry, is everything all right? Hermione sent me a letter and I was really worried. You're my mate, you can tell me just about bloody anything."

"Yeah, just Snape is still kind of an asshole." Harry let out a forced laugh, as he wiped remnants of tears off of his face.

"...I'm really sorry man.." A gust of air blew past them as they stood in the desolate field, surrounded by the depression that came with that statement.

"I mean better than the Dursleys" Ron then slung his arm around Harry and smiled at him, "You'll always have us"

Harry let out one of his first real laughs in a long time.

"Yeah I do. Now, I heard you offered to play some quidditch, you know how much beating you cheers me up"

"Oh no, not today I have a winning strategy you'll see."

Harry cherished memories like these, because he was just a kid. He wasn't the boy he lived nor was he the abused boy. He wasn't Snape's bastard son, or the attention seeker everyone saw when they looked at him. He was just a kid. He was just Harry

Weird it is how fast an exciting day goes, because at some point the sun went down, and at some point Harry had to go "home"

The knight bus felt lonely once Hermione was dropped off. It was just Harry and his thoughts headed back to his father's house.

When he arrived, he could hear the sounds of laughter from inside, the house seemed to beam in the candlelight it exuded.

He dragged his feet through the front door, and ignored the smell of dinner from the kitchen. Nothing had changed.

Harry sat on the edge of his bed, looking at the bruises that still littered his body.

His hands shook as he wrapped his chest with his presumingly broken rib. He should have told Ron, but he was so caught up in the moment.

Being overwhelmed came as nothing new to Harry, and everytime he was, he'd write in his journal. He may not have many pictures of his childhood, but he has stories, letters, homework assignments, and bits of old toys, all in one book.

I thought being at Snape's would be a new start.That is the dream though isn't it? You find out that you still have one parent left, and they are willing to take you in. Maybe a part of me in the back of my mind tells me that I'm just too hard to want. I come with baggage, yet Snape doesn't know any of that. He still doesn't want me. My friends want me, but they arent my parents.There is some emotional attachment I now hold with Snape, but to him I'm still just the brat who used to fail every potions assignment thrown at him.

But it's better than the Dursleys, yet somehow it hurts more.

Snape sat downstairs, as he cleaned up for the night. He couldn't believe that Harry had just stormed off. He was being reasonable right? Draco didn't need chores because Draco has manners...

As Snape settled down at his desk, a letter from Dumbledore came in. Occlumency huh? It meant he had to spend time with the brat.

Snape, so afraid of getting close to his son. What if Harry was genuine would that change anything?

So the next night, Harry is called to Snape's office.

"We are starting Occlumency lessons. I will see your memories, your feelings, and I will help you create a shield to help the chosen one keep the dark Lord out of his mind. Got it?"

Harry nodded, trying to shield his fear, Snape would see... everything

Harry watching as the other kids introduced their dads on fathers day. He looked across the room and saw Dudley with his uncle. He wanted that

Harry being thrown into his cupboard, and trying to shield his tears as he nursed his bruised torso.

Christmas, as Harry watched them open presents and hug each other, Harry has a black eye, so bright it could even be seen in his cupboard that was practically pitch black. Harry hugged himself. He imagined his father and mother. His father probably had the same black hair as him, and his mother the same pale skin as Petunia. They would wake him up on Christmas morning and smile. He would get a present, and his black eye would disappear. It all would.

Harry getting his birthday from his teachers. He told Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon the morning of it. His Uncle went ballistic, as his aunt watched. He hadn't ever hurt this much. He was hoping for cake and presents like Dudley, but he was just... what was it that Uncle Vernon always said... he was just a freak

The morning Harry found out Snape was his father... Harry's face lit up. A few tears rolled down his cheek. He had a dad. He was going to have a dad. Snape would throw him his first birthday party. He would hug him when he came through the entryway. Harry hugged himself. He read that it was a sign of abuse, so he tried to stop doing it at hogwarts. He had told Ron and Hermione who had in turn told Dumbledore, but he said the Dursleys were the best, but now Snape was the best option.

He just knew Snape would love him. He was his son. He had to love his son. He imagined being asked home for Christmas. Someone would ask him home, and his smile would match none other. When Snape picked him up from the platform, he wouldn't forget and make Harry walk for around three days before he found a police station. He would drop him off and wave him goodbye as he flooded to Hogwarts. He would be sad to see Harry go,because that was his son.

A warm feeling lit up in Snapes chest. The common courtesy of a parent made Harry so happy, but he couldn't deal with this.

He quickly got out of Harry's mind, and looked at his face. Tears streaked it and his hands were trembling.

"I presume you have some injuries from the Dursleys underneath those baggy clothes."

Harry nodded, and pulled them off. Snape started to heal him and a small part of Harry for a millisecond imagined this being the new normal. That is until Snape said one thing that would ruin Harry's life.

"When I'm done here you'll pack up. As much as I have the utmost remorse for you, I can't deal with you and Draco. I'll be sending you to Bronwhicks orphanage across town. They have a counselor there who will do you much good. I do hope you know this decision will bring a lot of guilt on my part, but it is the best one."

You could almost hear Harry's hope shatter. He let out an uggly sob.

"Your choosing Draco over your own son." his whole entire body shaked.

He was being passed around like his life had no value. He really didn't have a place where he was wanted. The second he had issues more than what was known, he's done. Harry sobbed as Snape uncomfortably healed his wounds.

"You really are one of the worst people I know. I don't care where this decision is coming from. Do you know how much this hurts?" Harry breathed out a sob "It feels like you just don't want me. But why would you? I'm just your son. Or is it to hard to deal with someone who is abused? Is that the lesson here? Your going to send me away on my birthday because I got too hard to deal with?!"

Snape shifted from foot to foot. This was the right decision.

"You are the result of a frivolous night that should have never happened! Don't play the abuse card, I was abused!"

"Then you should know how it feels."
"Harry!" Snape yelled a little too loudly "Pack your things!"

Harry walked out of the room as tears flew down his face. He thought he knew pain, but this felt like the world had ripped out his heart and stomped on it.

Birthdays really are special aren't they?