Hopeful Melancholy

It's (not) the most wonderful time of the year.

(Originally written Dec. 2018)

Around this time of the year when I was in high school, a friend of mine told me a story about how he found himself sobbing in his bedroom for no discernible reason.

He told me that his mom came to check on him, trying to figure out what was the matter, to which he replied, "I don't know."

Her response surprised him a bit: "That's ok, sometimes people just get sad this time of the year. It's probably just the weather."

My friend's scenario from over a decade ago isn't an isolated case. Just the other day, my best friend, AND my dad mentioned to me that they have not "felt like themselves."

In addition, I did an Instagram poll recently asking: "Have you or anyone you know ever experienced sadness around this time of the year?" 100% of the voters clicked yes. Even my Paw Paw.

As it turns out, this time of the year is hard for a lot of people, myself included.

This particular experience around this time of year is what the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders used to call: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD, ironically...)

Newer DSM's refer to this phenomenon as "Major Depression with seasonal pattern," for you nerds, but I'm going to stick with the classic term , because I'm vintage like that.

But wait, isn't this the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR????

Everyone is out and about, there are presents, songs, hot drinks, and PLAID. HOW CAN THIS BE?!

The truth is, there are several reasons one might experience SADness during winter, I'll be talking about two that I feel encompass a lot of areas.

The first reason this might be happening to you is biochemical. Most people spend less time outdoors during the winter, because, well—it's cold. Even if you do get out, there is literally less sunlight during this time of year (it gets darker earlier, more clouds, earth rotation be all twisted, etc.)

"Sunlight and darkness trigger the release of hormones in your brain. Exposure to sunlight is thought to increase the brain's release of a hormone called serotonin. Serotonin is associated with boosting mood and helping a person feel calm and focused." –Rachel Nall, Heathline.com: Benefits of Sunlight

So, it's a chemical reaction that affects our mood. It's harder to feel happier, and easier to be moody. In addition, suicide rates are higher this time of year.

The second reason, I think, is psycho-social: healthy brains are always regulating "highs" and "lows." With the Holidays approaching, there are a lot of "highs: " expectations (imposed on you by yourself and others,) traveling, family time, shopping, hustle, bustle- we rev our selves up and expend a lot of energy. We put pressure on ourselves to violate our boundaries: financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

So, it's natural (and healthy) for our brain to "depress" after that much exertion, kinda like when your body is sore after a really hard workout.

Side note for your education: These feedback loops of exertion and depression are why those who struggle with Bipolar episodes have such a hard time getting out of cycles. These individuals will have extreme highs (known as "mania,") followed by extreme lows ("depression.") Their emotional self-regulation is disordered and extreme. For example, a person may experience a manic episode, and not sleep for 5 days straight. After they come out of it, they are physically and emotionally exhausted, so they then sleep for 3 days, feel horrible, try to make up for it— and the loop continues. There are a plethora of reasons someone may exhibit bipolar tendencies: chemical imbalances, poor coping skills, trauma... (If you are concerned you may be experiencing extreme problems with emotional regulation, please seek help from a physician or a mental health professional.)

Regardless of the severity of which you experience the so called "Winter Blues," here are some things we can do to fight back. These are some short term, first steps. Nothing serious, nothing scary:

-Talk about it. You're not the only one. You're not alone. Grab lunch with a friend. Talk it out.
-Get off social media. Instead, connect with someone in real life by volunteering, or touching base with someone you haven't seen in a while.
-Drink more water.
-Wear you favorite outfit.
-Declutter (Clutter is shown to increase anxiety and depression.)
-Lower your expectations: In everyone else, and yourself. You can't and won't make everyone happy.
-Plan ahead, and be mindful about your resources, be it money or energy. Don't bankrupt yourself financially OR mentally. Instead, consider gifting experiences, or other creative gifts. Doing so could provide greater deposits into your relationship with your loved ones, rather than giving them another beanie baby to store in their coffers. (JK GUISE I KNOW LOL DOLLS ARE THE THING NOW.)
Call it seasonal depression, call it misplaced hope in consumerist fulfillment-there is something about this common phenomenon that transcends conscious will (ie: "Just don't be sad!!")

It's cosmic. It is during this time of the year, it seems, that the awareness of the longing of each and every heart becomes more clear... as if we are hopeful for something greater to come, something that is not exactly what we expected in the fleeting holiday cheer...

It seems to speak to the universal longing we have for the darkness of winter to end... for the light to come again, and bring back the color in our faces... for a day with no more want in things that cannot fully satisfy...

"Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks, a new glorious morn..."

-Silent Night

"...yet in thy dark streets shineth
The everlasting Light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight"

-Oh Little Town of Bethlehem