All Was Golden

S I X

Ryan didn't leave his room for three days. He laid in bed, going between sleep and consciousness. He had felt overwhelmed by exhaustion that, even when he did find himself awake, he couldn't bring himself to leave his bed.

He didn't feel sick, just tired. His dreams seemed endless, pulling him through what seemed like real life events until he opened his eyes.

"Ryan?"

With all the strength he could muster, Ryan pushed himself up on his arms. He looked to the door to find it being gently pushed open by Patrick, who had concern written on his face.

"Hey." He stood nervously in the doorway, holding the door a quarter of the way open. "Sorry, I just wanted to check up on you. Haven't seen you in a few days. Are you feeling okay?"

Ryan shifted on the bed, rubbing an eye with one hand while keeping himself propped up on the other. "Yeah..." His voice was croaky from its lack of use. He cleared his throat and repeated the word, only sounding slightly better.

Patrick bit his lip. "Have you eaten?" When Ryan didn't respond, Patrick pushed the door open a bit more. "Are you hungry? Pete's grabbing Taco Bell."

Ryan looked down at his bedding. He hated the worry on Patrick's face. He wore it more and more when he looked at Ryan. Worry and pity.

The mattress sink beside him. He looked back up to see Patrick next to him. He placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder. "He can grab you a freeze too." Patrick offered, "You up for it?"

Ryan's stomach growled in response. He scrunched his eyes shut. His body had betrayed him. Patrick mentioning food seemed to bring its necessity back to him. His stomach growled again, louder than before.

"I'll tell him to add you to the order." Patrick's voice was soft as he gently squeezed Ryan's shoulder.

"Thanks..." Ryan muttered, not wanting to open his eyes. He didn't want to see the way Patrick looked at him.

"We're here for you, Ry." Patrick spoke again, "Please don't forget that." The hand pulled away from Ryan's shoulder and the additional weight lifted from Ryan's mattress. "I'll come get you when Pete's back."

Ryan said nothing as Patrick moved across his room. His expression didn't even relax until he heard the click of the door shutting again. He opened his eyes and looked towards it. He didn't deserve to have someone like Patrick trying to look out for him like this when he did nothing in return. He should be left to waste away after not leaving his bed for three days.

Ryan put his face in his hands. What was wrong with him? He used to be so much better. He used to crack jokes and laugh more...

Ryan lifted his head. He was fine before Him.

Ryan climbed out of bed, staggering on his feet but maintaining balance enough to remain standing. He inhaled a deep breath before moving across his room and opening the door.

The hall was empty as he made his way to the bathroom. Once in the pale blue room, he looked at his reflection in the mirror.

He looked slightly thinner and paler. His cheeks weren't as full as they usually were. The bags under his eyes were dark, despite all of the sleep that had overwhelmed him over the past few days.

Ryan pushed a hand through his hair. He didn't know what to think or do. Was he losing himself? Had he really let what happened affect him so bad that he was becoming someone else?

Ryan turned away from his reflection. He stripped his clothes and turned on the shower, running a hand under the stream as the water grew hot. Once it was steaming, Ryan reached to take off the cording that hung from his neck, but stopped. The key was a comforting weight on his chest. His fingers brushed against the cool metal. Surely a bit of water wouldn't hurt it.