All Was Golden

Twenty

Ryan sat at the end of his bed, looking down at the box he had pulled from his closet once again. It still hurt to look at it, but it was different now.

Ryan slide off the bed to sit by the box. He ran his hand over its lid. He grabbed one of the flaps and pulled it open. Inside, it was the same as before. Several colored fabrics made up the top layer. Slowly, Ryan brought them out of the box.

A lavender hoodie.

Ryan's patterned long sleeve shirt folded with his tan vest and black tie.

A masquerade mask.

Red glasses.

At the very bottom of the box there was a plushie Ryan remembered being won for him at a fair. It was a circular shape. On one side, a smiling sun with closed eyes decorated with pastel yellows and oranges. On the other side, a pale blue half moon took up one side of the plush while the other was dark and full of stars. The moon also smiled with closed eyes, mirroring the sun.

Ryan sniffled and held the plush close to his chest.

He looked around the room, taking in the empty space. He wondered if Spencer was still with him. It hadn't been much time since Spencer had brought them back from below.

Patrick had woken up almost as soon as they got back. He seemed confused and tired, but otherwise okay. He didn't say if he remembered anything.

Pete was asleep in bed when Ryan helped Patrick back into his room. Seeing Pete had brought Patrick to tears. He had hurried into bed with his partner and Ryan had left them together.

Ryan kept the plush close to his chest as he rose to his feet. He wasn't sure how long it had been. He knew Patrick and Pete deserved time, but he also felt like his chest could burst from things he wanted to say. Things he needed to say.

He left the contents of the box on his floor, neatly surrounding where he had sat. He moved across the room and into the hall. When he reached Pete and Patrick's door, he hesitated. What if Patrick did remember and hated him for it? What if he didn't want to see Ryan again?

He sighed. He had to stop with those thoughts. He reached out and knocked on the door.

There was a moment of silence before a soft voice called for him to come in.

Ryan pushed the door open. Both Pete and Patrick sat in the bed. Pete was laying down, sleeping with his head in Patrick's lap while Patrick ran his fingers through his dark hair. Patrick smiled as Ryan came in. He gestured to the space in front of him for Ryan to sit.

"How are you feeling?" Ryan asked, softly.

Patrick shrugged. "Tired. My head is no really fuzzy, but I'm okay..." He tilted his head. "How are you?"

Ryan laughed. He tightened his grip on the plush. "Honestly?.. I don't know. The past few days have been... A lot."

Patrick nodded and Ryan sighed.

"I'm sorry for how I've treated you. I shouldn't have pushed you away all those times you just wanted to talk or reach out." He relaxed his grip on the plush. "I thought I could handle it... I thought I could just forget... But I do need help. I don't want to push away memories anymore just because of who was in them."

He looked up at Patrick. Patrick smiled at him. He reached out with his free hand and Ryan took it.

"It's okay." Patrick squeezed his hand. "I never blamed you. This whole thing has been hard. You've been through a lot."

Ryan shook his head. "It was still no reason for me to take it out on you for trying." He sighed. "Thank you for being there."

"Hey, I got your back." Patrick continued to smile as Ryan pulled his hand away. Patrick looked down and rested his hand on Pete's shoulder while the other continued to move through his hair.

Ryan inhaled and exhaled slowly. He had only expressed part of what he wanted to say. The next part tightened his chest and made him feel a bit queezy. "I think... I think I'm ready."

Patrick hummed in question, tilting his head back up to look at Ryan.

Ryan hugged the plush tight against his chest. He could practically hear the sounds of carnival around him. He could practically hear the voice of...

"I think I'm ready to talk about Brendon." The words finally found their way out of Ryan. It felt like a stab to his heart to say the name yet, at the same time, there was a rush of relief that washed over him as well. He took a few more short breaths before turning to Patrick.

Patrick was expressionless for an instant, but he quickly found a look of encouragement to give Ryan. "I'm here to listen."

Ryan sniffled again. He felt like he could cry. Just those words, finally getting through, felt like a weight being lifted from his shoulders.

Patrick was there to listen, so Ryan began to speak.

°Happy Halloween°
🎃