𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍. ʜᴀɴᴀꜱʜɪʀᴏ

2 7 : アイロニー

Irony

—

He has always hated the sound of the bell.

No, he has never once heard of it himself — but hearing it from the people around him who he just met made him hate it. Because he never heard it.

People come and go in that place; Hanako knew that all too well — that's why he built the toughest and hardest to break walls so that no one could ever break them down. He didn't want to get attached to someone who might just disappear in a blink of an eye, just because they can hear the blessed hearing of a chime.

Meeting, explaining and bidding goodbye.

At first, Hanako waited and waited after he met an alchemist aboard that train who taught him a lot about that place and even life. His name was Kako — he was kind yet philosophical. When he left, he prayed a lot so that someone could at least pray and make him go back to the living world. He wanted to live more, and explore things he has never done before.

Hanako wanted to be an astronaut — someone who could ride a really large rocket and go to the moon.

That was his dream — and the only thing he ever dreamt of.

But as time seemingly passed across that peculiar place, his hope fell, withering away as if they were seeds from a dandelion when you blow on it softly.

"Maybe mother or Tsukasa was just busy. . ." He whispered to himself. "It's okay. They will probably pray for me soon, too."

Until he saw the universe setting — when he saw how big the moon was when the train continued to roll on to outer space, he thought, maybe it wasn't too bad here, after all.

Since then, the train has made him feel at home. He thought that the train treated him better than the living world did. Because maybe it wasn't too bad having to help and stay with people. . . but still, he couldn't help but feel jealous whenever they say how they can hear the ringing of the bell in their ears.

Have they forgotten about him? Or have they always wanted him to disappear?

When those thoughts sank their way into his head, he thought that maybe it was really better if he just stayed there — he wasn't going anywhere anymore; neither to the living world nor onto his next life.

Right; he'll just stay there forever.

And then, one day, a girl with the same color as a radish came; she had pretty fat ankles and she was a crybaby.

Hanako sighed out loud; he was never one for cheering people up or making people smile again. But when he realized that she may be oblivious sometimes, she was pretty reliable and sometimes, she makes him think a lot of other things, making him forget about his loneliness.

He smiled; Nene was like a match he found in the middle of a very dark and cold tunnel — she was warm and full of hope. She was different from any person he has ever been with. Besides, she was the first person who has ever stayed this long.

Several things happened with her — and Hanako realized that maybe, just maybe — he still wanted to go back to the living world after all.

Hanako has always been afraid of the living world — because it holds great uncertainty and the unknown. But whenever she was with him, he feels like maybe dealing with all of that doesn't mean you have to deal it alone.

He wanted to be with her in real life; holding her warm and soft hands, with each of them feeling their hearts beating inside their chests like crazy, and fulfilling their dreams together. Hanako never even knew when he thought and yearned for that kind of scenario.

But he just wanted to run away from that place while holding her hand — he didn't want them to stay at a place where they are unsure of their future; unsure if you are still even breathing or long gone.

Before, she asked him if he has ever felt homesick. He never answered that and just dodged the question — because he was afraid that she might hint it and know what he feels inside.

Like, maybe the reason why he hasn't given up after all those times is because deep down, inside the depths of his heart, he still longed for reaching his dream — and she was the person who sparked that longing in him once again like a lighter.

He didn't realize until then that she has inevitably become a part of his dream, too.

She appeared like a bubble and messed up all of his plans for the eternity and sake of just staying there.

Nene made him want to go back again, although the uncertainty and the unknown were still present there. She made him fall in love with his dream again; she made him fall in love with living and everything again.

"I'm scared. . ." She cried and cried. "Help me, Hanako-kun."

Hanako has always been used to people saying how they can hear the bell.

But for the first time—

"What should I do. . .?"

—it hurt.

"I don't want to leave you here," Nene sobbed as tears fell from her eyes continuously. Pain and suffering were evident in her eyes as she held onto him. "I don't want to go if you're not coming with me."

Hanako couldn't do and say anything as he just looks at her with pure horror in his eyes. Neither did he want to let her go.

How surreal and ironic it was — that the universe even waited for his favourite setting, only to make him have the most painful memory ever in that place.

"It's so loud," she says in a small voice, her voice cracking occasionally. "Deafening."

Tears made their way up to his eyes as he closed his eyes.

He didn't want to let her go, too.

But Nene deserved the whole world — no, the universe.

And he was just a mere star.

He was willing to let her go if it meant that she can be happy and reach her dream.