To All The Girls I've Loved Before - Jenlisa

Chapter 26

Jennie shouldn't have shown up.

At 1:55 am, Lisa finally pulled herself up from sitting on the kitchen floor where she was drinking a tall glass of water and trying to shake the haze away from her mind; her grip on her phone a little too crushing as if that could stop any more messages to come through.

She knew that if she dared twist that door lock open she won't be able to turn things around anymore.

She rested her forehead on the flat of her door, counting the minutes to see if she could muster more strength to stay away. Listening to the desperate whispers of her name reverberating through the spaces of the wood, enticing her to her very salvation...and destruction.

She shouldn't have opened that door. Her last sliver of sanity, even now that she was sober, couldn't protect her from the sight she found.

Because the very same demented match to her forest fire stood there: a scrumptious sin heightened by the lipstick smudge where Lisa violently kissed her, furthered by a fierceness to her stance and persistence in her eyes.

Almost three years and that look still haunted her.

Want.

Need.

Desire.

Lisa's knees buckled. And that was her mistake.

Lisa resigned to her longing as the girl jumped the distance between them. Jen's mouth claimed brutal kisses as they slammed the door behind them and crossed towards Lisa's bedroom, leaving pieces of their clothes in their wake.

Lisa was going fucking insane. She was frantic, wanting to taste the girl everywhere. Gone was her perfected self-composure. Gone was her self-control. In place was a near-deranged woman who lost herself in each and every memory she could extract from her ex-lover's skin, despite the mix of sweet and painful nostalgia it brought.

She was gone as she bit on the woman's shoulders, a break on her skin that brought Jennie howling into the dark, then moaning as she licked the skin soothingly.

She was gone as the Korean's mouth hovered near her ear as she wetly husked, her nail digging on the back of the blonde's neck, possibly leaving bruises to discover tomorrow.

She was gone as she pushed the woman down on the bed and her palms and tongue travelled their way down the Korean's pale body glinting under the moonlight, worshipping her as to how she remembered, with a certain reverence despite the coarseness in her touches.

She was gone as she savoured the woman's bare thigh and was filled with the heady smell of her arousal, as her nose slid on the woman's wet slit and flicked on her hardened clit, before running her tongue flat on her dripping folds.

Can a woman taste even better? Because Lisa's mouth couldn't get enough of Jen as the rough of her tongue scratched through the folds brashly, couldn't get enough of the mewling of the Korean, couldn't get enough of the salt on the sweat of her skin.

And she felt torn, because where she expected the familiar she found something new.

It...didn't feel like home.

And just as conflicted was Jen, who's similarly torn as her hands struggled under Lisa's tight hold, refusing to let her needy hands touch the Thai's body.

"Lisa, let me feel you," The Korean begged again and again but Lisa was adamantly limiting any more opportunities to submit to the woman's caresses.

This Lisa may have felt new for Jen, too, as she struggled under her, trying to feel more of the blonde while the latter refused to slow down. Trying to kiss her but she refused to be dominated. Trying to reciprocate but all Lisa did was take. She thrust hard and yet Lisa didn't feel at all like she was giving.

Every thrust felt like a punishment.

And all Jen could do was to submit as her atonement.

Jen was finally able to touch Lisa again when she was allowed to straddle the girl in her need to feel Lisa's body close for her to peak. But even as Jen clung to Lisa it invoked unfamiliar feelings within as Lisa thrust hard with near desperation, never stopping to meet the throb of Jen's body as she wailed. Losing herself in an orgasm that doesn't feel hers and overshadowed by a looming ache in her heart.

Yes, this didn't feel anything like their countless making love in the past. This lover felt familiar in multiple ways and yet felt new with how the passion imposed.

And it overwhelmed Lisa, how she drowned in her anger and yet her heart throbbed for Jen. How much she missed her nakedness this close. How she anguished for the three years that gave them distance and gave her this new woman but still ache for like she used to.

So Lisa buried her face against Jen's neck, drowning in the heavy musk of the Korean's warm skin slicked with sweat. Lisa distracted herself enough to resist the tears as she felt Jen's walls clench on her fingers, accepting every thrust she took.

Lisa took and took and took like she could fill her own emptiness.

Jen tentatively ran her fingers on the blonde's back. She felt helpless, understanding that this was all her fault. She wanted so hard to make it right, and perhaps they could start today, as her hand ran through her shoulders to pull Lisa into a hug.

But as if her touch brought fire, the blonde flinched aggressively.

"No, don't—" Lisa warned as she withdrew from her body.

Ruffled sheets. A whisper.

"Lisa, please..."

"No, this—"

The Korean's palm reached for the blonde's arm.

"Please, Lisa, stay here with me."

A whimper left Jen as the tall girl continued to pull herself off the bed and walk backward, looking at Jen with those same eyes she has been given these past months.

Like she's a mistake.

Lisa pulled on a robe, then paused on her bedroom door as she prepared to give the girl her privacy.

She closed her eyes, a heavy weight on her chest now barrelling straight to her stomach. Her hand gripped hard on the door knob, reluctant to leave the warmth behind.

She's not yet ready to end her reminiscing. She's not yet ready to end this night. But those soft touches would make her want to hope again that Jen can undo all this pain and make things feel alright.

"This..."

"Lisa..." Jen pleaded again, the ache in her voice palpable.

She doesn't look back. She doesn't feel ready to give in to those appeals. Her voice and her touches still bring Lisa so much hurt, and the blonde has already made so many mistakes tonight.

She can't possibly delude herself into thinking her touches can heal her.

Lisa pushed herself to leave the room as her voice croaked in a strangled whisper:

"This doesn't change anything."