Incurable [Ereri/Riren Fanfic] [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter Fourteen

"You call it madness, but I call it love." - Don Byas.

     My heart hasn't been able to calm down since I left Levi's tent. Sure, I've had an interest in him from the start, but this might be the first time I've even thought about being committed. I never really got with anyone to begin with though, but the thought of being committed never really came to mind if I saw someone I liked. With Levi, though, I'm willing to try... but there's a barrier between us and that barrier is Isabelle. I hate to admit it but I think I might be jealous of her for having a place within Levi's heart.

     I don't want to feel this way, especially when she's so important to him, but no matter what I do the feeling won't go away. I see this jealousy as a disease and so far I can't find a cure for it. I want to feel happy for him, but my mind won't allow it. I want to support him, but my mind wants me to take Isabelle out of the picture. I hate being caught between two or more feelings like this... it reminds me of my time with my father...

     It's different this time, though; I'm free of him but now I've been chained to someone else.

     I've been walking around, in the rain, to try and forget what happened in the tent but my mind kept racing. A part of me wants to be able to forget everything but another part of me wants to surrender to this new feeling that's been simmering within myself. Then when I start thinking about it some more my mind switches over to how others will think, and then I start thinking about my friends... or they used to be my friends. They've made it crystal clear that they see me as a threat, but I can't tell them about what Levi and I found out with Hanji's help. It would only strain our current situation even more. Still though, I actually miss hanging out with them, listening to their bickering, and being able to actually protect them.

     I kept thinking about them as I made my way for the dining pavilion to get out of the rain, but as I made my way to the pavilion I noticed someone was sitting at one of the tables already. I shrugged to myself and headed over there. When I got underneath the roof of the pavilion, I sighed in relief of getting out of the rain and then my eyes turned their attention to the person already present. I did a double-take when my eyes saw who it was with me and immediately I felt the strong emotions begin to bubble violently: pain, dejection, and rage. I was about to leave the person behind before they called my name in an almost quiet voice, as if they were lamenting something.

     "I thought you and the rest of the group made it very clear about where I stood among you lot?" I scoffed.

     "...Listen man, what we did was wrong... on so many levels... I don't know what was going through my head when I thought about doing that to you..."

     "Wait, you were the one who thought the whole thing up?!"

     "Just hear me out, Eren! My mind was still in a dark place after losing Marco and the others and the whole thing jus-"

     "I don't want to hear it from you, Jean! I've lost people who were way closer to me than those people we just gathered at the start! So don't you start feeding me that crap! I literally could've died trying to save everyone back there!"

     "And I get that! I'm grateful that you tried your best for them, despite the risk, I really am... I was just so distraught when it happened that I had no outlet for those pent up emotions, so they just exploded onto you..."

     I was tired of hearing him trying to justify his words and actions. Seriously! How can anyone stand there and try to apologize for their unthinkable actions?! He had some nerve!

     "If this is your way in apologizing, you're doing a piss poor job at it! After having practically everyone beat me to a bloody pulp! If we find a way to stop all of this and you're infected, no way in hell are you getting that cure; you deserve to be put down like the animal you are!"