The Best Years

11

"Alright Chloe, I know this is our first real practice together so it's okay if we have some mess ups. We're still getting used to each other and that's why we practice, because practice makes perfect."

The little girl stared up at her with wide eyes that glowed with excitement. It was so obvious what had drawn Calum's attention to her, she was so easily excited and loving.

In the gym she was teachable and hard working, determined to learn something new everyday. It was obvious she practiced outside of her training sessions and her work ethic alone was enough to have Holland enthralled with working with her.

"Mrs. Holland?" Chloe asked, her voice small, as they finished their session over an hour later.

"Yeah, Clo?" The girl was seated on the first row of bleachers, her feet dangling just off the ground and her eyes focused on the bright pink nail polish on her toes — one of the older girls who wasn't so bad had painted them for her two days ago and she's excitedly shown Holland at the start of their session.

"Could you be my mommy?"

Holland stood perfectly still for a moment, her mouth hanging open as her brain raced to try and think of something she could say to the adorable dark skinned girl staring up at her, eyes so incredibly full of hope that Holland didn't know how she could possibly answer her question.

"I can be kind of like your mommy." Holland said softly, squatting down so that she was closer to eye level with Chloe her hand reaching to gently grab the girls elbow. "I can love you and spend time with you."

"But why can't you be my mommy?" She asked clearly confused, her lower lip pouted out.

Holland had to force herself to swallow to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes. Her pregnancy hormones were out of control and Chloe's pitiful look of defeat was damn near enough to break her heart.

"I don't even think I'd be a very good mommy." Holland told her, reaching out to rub her hand down Chloe's arm. "You need someone as fun and loving and adventurous as you. I'm just boring."

"But you're not boring." Chloe argued. "And if you were my mommy then Cal could be my daddy."

Holland smiled sadly at that. "You want Calum to be your daddy?"

Chloe nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, he'd be a pretty good one wouldn't he." Holland whispered.

"He's the best he takes me to ice cream and comes and gets me from center."

"You don't like it there?" Holland asked, her face scrunched.

"No, the boys are mean to me and Mara isn't there anymore. I hate it." She said, stamping her foot in the way of a six year old.

"Aw, you don't mean that, right? You get to play and you have a cool room with blue walls. You told me about it."

"Yeah, but it's not the same. The kids at school have their own rooms, and mommies and daddies who love them. How come I don't get those things?"

Holland tried desperately to coax words from her chest but she had nothing to off the little girl in front of her who was so completely devastated. Instead of words she only pulled the girl to her, hoping that the gesture she often craved in her times of despair was the right move to make. She was terrible at times like these and it was one of the things most terrifying to her about becoming a parent. She was afraid of doing the wrong thing.