Somewhat Safe

Chapter Four

The next day I had a huge Physics test. I'm not the best test taker so after class I was feeling uneasy. Thinking about how the dance was tomorrow didn't make things any better. I decided to go to Queen Retreat for a smoothie to calm my nerves down. The mango one I had last week popped into my head, but I didn't know if it was because I shared it so boldly with Sugawara or if the flavor was actually good. Either way, it seemed to be a pretty good idea right now.

I walk into Queen Retreat and see Noah waiting near the pick-up bar. A wave of relief overcame me. His familiar face immediately made me feel better. 

"Noah!" I called out beaming. He turned, smiling widely as soon as he saw my face. He grabbed his two drinks from the bar, walking towards me.

"Alyssa! I was just going to call you to meet me under the maple trees in the court, but since you are here,  we can walk over there together if you have time." He looked down at his hands, as if he forgot he was holding his drinks. "I also got this for you! It's dragonfruit, your favorite Slurpdeedoo specialty drink. I remember."

I accepted the drink with a smile, but I was a bit sad. Maybe it was because it wasn't mango. But it wasn't like I drank mango on a daily basis either. I shouldn't be picky. After all, both times Noah was the one who had paid for me anyway. It's a free drink after all.

We walked side by side out of the courtyard, where he led me to a secluded spot around some trees. I drank my smoothie, but for some reason it didn't taste like anything at all.

"What did you want to tell me that was so special for you to lead me here? You're not going to murder me in broad daylight, are you?" I asked jokingly.

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "No I could never do that to you." He paused, as if he was nervous.

"Um.. what is it Noah?" I asked, watching his eyes shift around.

He shuffled his feet. " Listen, I know you have been working really hard on the Planning Committee for the Winter Formal so you probably haven't been thinking about dates or anything... "

I felt my blood rush in my ears. He was right; I had been so preoccupied with finishing the props that I hadn't even seriously thought of attending. But he wasn't going to ask me to go with him... right? I mean sure, Noah was attractive and amazing, but I was hesitant. He's probably just asking to be a good man friend.

"A-actually, I've been thinking about it for a while and I find that I do have feelings for you. I have had them for a while... "

Shit. What the hell? Why am I feeling so uneasy? I should be happy that such a gorgeous and sweet guy like him just asked me. I should be thankful. But why do I feel like something was tugging at my heart?

"...So, will you go to the dance with me?" He looked at me with earnest eyes, shoving his hands in his jean pocket.

I bit my lip. Just say yes! It's not that hard. What was stopping me? A flash of silver hair and a hint of a smug smile flashed through my mind. Sugawara. Why am I even thinking about him right now? Alyssa, snap out of it!

"Noah, I really appreciate you asking me. I really do. But...if i accepted it wouldn't feel right in my heart. If things weren't the way they are right now, I would have said yes in a heartbeat. But I... uh... just can't right now. I'm sorry."

I watched as his smile disappeared and his eyebrows furrowed. He seemed at a loss for words, like he didn't even consider the thought of rejection before. I felt my heart break into two, not just because of the general idea of rejection, but for the supposed loss of a relationship. And maybe even a friendship. Noah deserves to be with someone that won't have second thoughts accepting his proposal.