Please, Catch Me (frerard)

Tell Me

Gerards pov
Ever since frankie asked me to be his boyfriend, ive felt alive. Almost completely content. I still have my downs and bad thoughts but i finally feel like i, gerard arthur way, will make it.

Since Donald, my former father, fucking beat us, i havent been eating like at all. Its not even because i want to be that way, food just makes me sick. Mama has resorted to making me milkshakes and smoothies whenever we eat so i dont have to.

Mikey isnt coping well. Its been a few days but i hear him scream in his dreams at night. He cries when he doesnt know i can hear him. Im so worried about him.

Frank is just angry. His bruise has already healed but he keeps telling me how he so badly wants to get revenge. I calm him down by singing. He seems to enjoy my voice a lot and as i cant speak, i sing. Most night he gets anxiety, im not sure why and he wont talk about it, but i sing him to sleep.

Mama is sueing donald, and trying to get him to go to prison. As he should be.

I dont really feel safe here anymore. Frank says i just need a little time, but this was my home, now its just a building i sleep, eat and shit in. Its not special. I want my home back.

Ive been drawing a lot more. Comics. Mikey enjoys reading them, its the only time i can get him out of his room. Its really sad seeing him like this. I hate it. He doesnt leave his room unless i bloody force him out by promising a new comic strip, horror movies and snacks.

Mikey seems worried about my whole eating situation. You see, originally i used to do it to be thin, now i dont have a choice. The simple thought of chewing, swallowing and digesting food makes me want to crawl into a ball and die.

Mama has finally heard me sing, she enjoys it. I think everyone loves my singing voice because its the closest they have to my speaking voice.

I have started to cut myself again. Nobody knows yet. I want it to stay that way. However, because we cant communicate properly, frank and i are very physical, not in sex or anything, both him and i are not ready for that yet, but in the fact he will hold me. He will touch my legs or my arms and my face. What if one day he feels them? Just thinking about it is making me tear up.

Currently, Mikey, Frankie and mama are on the couch watching a movie while im cooking. Usually im not the cook of the family, but ever since i cant eat properly and live off fruit blends and milk shakes, my source of food is cooking. I cook spaghetti, sushi, tacos, anything i can think of. Frank enjoys the tacos most while mikey and mama enjoy the variety of pasta i cook.

Ill get through it. Im doing good.

Boo. Idk what to write but enjoy.