b e t t y .

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚠𝚘

𝙱𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚢

I sit on the stairs of the front porch of my house while starring at the young boy a few feet away from me.  At first, I didn't know if it was really him, but as he turned around, James' eyes and mine meet. He looks directly at me, but a few seconds later, he shyly turns his head away, looking into the darkness of the upcoming night.

I must look terrible. Seriously, of course I didn't plan to be seen by anyone like that. Sitting here, lonely and with my eyes swollen red. But I didn't intend to walk out of my house as fast as I can because I couldn't control my feelings either. Right now, I feel so much pain. I must have thought that going outside would clear my mind, but all I did while sitting here was crying...ugly crying.

"I...I'm sorry", James stutters while he slowly wiggles from one foot to the other. I'm wiping the tears out of my face once again and I'm glad that it seems as my soul doesn't need to pour out its feelings anymore...at least for now.

"I can go if you want. I mean, I..."

"It's okay." I say quietly. He already saw me in one of my worst moments, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I'm wondering if I'm happy that it's someone like James who walked by just in this moment and not someone out of the neighborhood...that would have been probably far more embarrassing.

"You ordered some pizza?" After this question, James looks down on the pizza he is holding while I try to come up with a decent smile at least.

James comes a little closer and smirks. He drives through his thick, dark brown hair.

"To be honest...it's kind of an embarrassing story." James giggles, but a few seconds later his face is covered with a sad look. I point to the stairs I'm sitting on to show him that it's okay if he wants to sit next to me. Actually, a little company is probably not that bad right now.

"So we're both not at our best times right now."

James sits down while he simply nods. The moment he took the seat next to me, silence is overcoming the situation. Actually, it's strange that the both of us are here right now. James and I never really talked even though we share our lockers close to each other at school. I guess I didn't really recognize him. I always thought that he is a guy who doesn't really want much company around him...well he walks down the streets alone on a Sunday night so I assume he probably is more of a loner than someone who likes to be close to others.

"Well, I hope you're bad mood isn't related to the fact that school starts again tomorrow."

James breaks down the silence. I have to laugh concerning what he just said. Of course I haven't forgotten that it's the first day as a Junior tomorrow at Reading High. Actually, I'm really excited about that. I have worked a lot for the upcoming school year during the holidays.

"No, school's really not that bad. Actually, I look forward to it." I say with a smile. But my smile begins to turn into an empty expression on my face. Again, I think about the reason I'm actually sitting here outside. The reason my heart hurts. And suddenly, I'm starting feeling cold. Really cold. Maybe it's due to the fact that summer is almost over and I'm only wearing a thin cardigan, but deep down I know that it's really just because of him.

"Maybe you could share a bit of your enthusiasm with me, I think I really need that. "

As soon as he says this, James looks right into my eyes for a second. Again, none of us is saying anything for a short moment. He must have realized my turnaround of feelings again.

I notice that he doesn't really know if he should ask me what is going on. And at the same time, I don't know if I should actually talk to him about that. He would probably not even care.