xvii. unwanted loneliness

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REINA'S POV

I knew I made a mistake by sleeping with Matthew as soon as I remember we were meant to meet Stef for dinner after. I spent the entirety of dinner avoiding his eye, which would have been fine if it weren't for his hand that was insistent on resting on my thigh. I pushed it away each and every time, but he worked it back there every time. I eventually just settled on letting his hand stay on my knee, but that's it. If this was my future, so be it, as long as he doesn't let Stef or Dylan know what happened in my office. 

Which, we somehow got away with? When we walked out together, nobody really said anything or looked our way, so I assume we got away with it. I mean, the girls in this office are usually so eager to spread gossip, so for them to not even look my way, I knew I was in the clear.

I think.

Either way, it doesn't matter. The week is over, I won't have to see my coworkers or anyone besides Liana for a few days. I can just lounge around with my little sister doing absolutely nothing, just like I like it.

Except I can't.

When I pull up to my house, the last thing I expect to see is someone waiting on my porch for me. And when I got out of my car, and their head snapped up, the last person I expected it to be was my mom. I stopped walking, my heart dropping at the sight of her tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. I knew that look too well, in fact, this is my fourth time seeing it in my life.

"Mom," I say softly, slowly making my way up the pathway to her. She says nothing, just watches as I walk up to her, and eventually drop down to see beside her on the steps. She lets out a heavy exhale, her head falling to her hands. My heart aches as I hear her sniffle, and hesitantly, I reach out a hand to her back. She stiffens at my touch, before settling once more, allowing me to rub circles on her back.

Eventually, she lifts her head again and gives me the saddest smile she could possibly muster up. "He left," she says, confirming my suspicion. "Just like you said," she adds.

I frown, being right has never felt worse. "I'm sorry, Mom."

She shakes her head. "It isn't your fault, you don't have to apologize." She exhales, looking away from me. "I just always get my hopes up to be disappointed."

Well, that makes two of us then.

Wordlessly, I move to wrap my arm around my mom, and lean my head against her shoulder. She relaxes in my embrace, her other hand coming up to grab my knee. Nothing is said, and I even let my eyes slide shut for a moment, stuck in the moment with my mom. 

I knew he was going to leave again, there was nothing to prove this time would be different, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. Some deep, deep, deep part of me wanted him to stay. Wanted him to stick around for long enough that I could actually admit I had a dad, and he was living a happy life with my mom for once. I know it's dumb of me to want the man who abandoned me so many times to stay around, but I don't know, I just wanted to pretend my life was perfect for once. That my parents were together, and my sister has happy, and I was happy. Is that crazy of me?

Why Do You Love Me ── MATTHEW GRAY GUBLERWhere stories live. Discover now