my journal

some sterf

wed, september 30, 12:32am: MY teachers drive me over the edge with homework. i don't wanna seem like a brat but really i can't take it anymore. 

on top of the unneeded hwk i have really low self esteem, procrastinate way too much, hate myself, and no enthusiasm for that or really anything anymore. 

so another day goes by with only doing little snippets of my hwk telling myself ill do it tomorrow. 

...............still the same time and stuff just a different subject.............

me working out is never a good sign. i work out when i feel misplaced, confused, angry, sad, etc. today i did just that (well yesterday) i blast my sad/mad playlist (literally all my songs are sad/mad/weird/love) i run on the treadmill thingy, do push ups (i can only d0 like 3 in a row), cry, paint, see my cat, do those arm pull up a weight thingies and thats about it. 

.........the thing i started painting.........

funny thing is i dont finish things, i just move to the next. i started something i call positivity flower. its based off this little basic flower i draw that i named the positivity flower. if you were to look through my artbook you'd find it in all these random places. i draw it when i need a little positivity. its weird but it actually helps. i really hope you have or will find something unique like my positivity flowers for a bit of control. 

i have a little note of what they represent. i'll show you guys tomorrow.

i need to go to bed.. Good Night love you all!