Sebastian knocked on Lizzie's door. He swallowed his pride. He couldn't handle being in love with Lizzie any longer. He wanted more than this school for himself. He had been stuck in the box underneath the school for centuries.
Lizzie laid on her bed reading a textbook. She wore her school uniform and her white doc martens. Her shoes were laying on top of her comforter. He noticed her disregard for her own comforter and made a face. Lizzie looked up at him.
Lizzie had felt tension in their meetings. "Hi.." Lizzie looked at him. He stood in front of her. "Elizabeth, I do not want to stay at the school." Lizzie sat up tossing the book to the side. "What?" She tiled her head as she said it.
He licked his lips and looked at the ground. He looked back into her eyes. "I do not wish to stay at the Salvatore school." He said. "You are one of my greatest loves. I just want more for myself." He said. "Are you trying to say you don't want to be with me?" Lizzie began to get aggressive. She often read situations wrong. Sebastian rolled his eyes. "You always do this." He said.
Lizzie felt her facial expression change to angry. "You want to leave?" She said. "Go." She said sternly. Sebastian's eyebrows furrowed. "Elizabeth, I'll be back. Let me explore the world before I commit to you." He said. Lizzie felt tears welt up in her eyes. She saw the history textbook next to her and picked it up with both hands.
Lizzie walked towards him. He stepped back. "Elizabeth?" He questioned. Lizzie smacked him across the face with the history textbook. "Don't make this harder for me. If you want go, leave." She growled. Sebastian cupped his left cheek for a moment where she smacked him.
Sebastian took the textbook from her and threw it across the room. He grabbed both her wrists. She struggled. "Elizabeth, please." He hushed. "Don't cry." He wiped a tear that fell from her eye. "Tis a good thing for both of us. We are drawn to each other." He whispered.
Lizzie wanted to smack him again. He let go of her wrists and sped out of the room. He grabbed his suitcase and headed for England. Lizzie shut the door to her room. She locked it in case Josie came to see her. Lizzie was shaken by Sebastian's sudden choice.
Lizzie's faith had been shaken. Sebastian the only man that treated her kindly left her. "He didn't care...." she murmured to herself. It shouldn't have been easy for him to leave. She thought about how it must have been pre mediated. He must have thought about leaving her for months before.
People don't just decided to leave you without thinking about it first. Lizzie closed her eyes as tears fell. She talked to herself.
"I wasn't good enough..." she said quietly.
She was quiet due to not wanting anyone to hear her. The room felt cold. The world felt cold. "If I were good enough, he would have stayed. This is my fault." She said wiping her tears that came down like rain that falls from the heavens. She felt herself having an anxiety attack.
She kept thinking about how she wasn't good enough for anyone. It would be easier to isolate herself from other people because Sebastian was the one person in the world that ever truly loved her besides her family. Lizzie reached for a tissue from the box in her room. Josie would come home soon. She had to get it together. Lizzie grabbed her diary from the dresser and looked at the things she'd written about Sebastian. She smiled for a moment with tired eyes. She dropped the smile quickly.
Her eyes still glassy. Her pointer finger ran over her favorite entry about him. She breathed in. "Ignalusa!" The paper began to burn. She stopped the spell before the fire took her whole room out. She threw her diary at the wall. The ashes of the page fell out onto the floor.
She still felt like everything was her fault. She'd worked so hard to open up to someone and this is what happens. Lizzie hated when people left her. It was something that Hope and Lizzie understood. Hope would be busy helping Alaric for the whole day.
Lizzie began to scream at the top of her lungs and throw things on her side of the room. Lizzie looked into her mirror breathing heavily. "Breathe....breathe." She repeated to herself. She studied herself in the mirror. She couldn't help herself as she whispered, "intermissum," the mirror began to shatter from top to bottom.
Her sense of self was shattered as was the mirror she had been looking in. Lizzie stepped back quickly. She knew that breaking the mirror wasn't the most mature thing she could have done. It was already done.
The more she thought about it, people disappointed her.
Lizzie began repeating to herself that she was too much. The anxiety of not being enough overcame her. She was too much. She sucked energy out of people and never gave it back just like Penelope said. She could see it and she hated herself for it.
"This is my fault.
I am just too much.
I'm broken.
No one wants me.
I hate myself more than Sebastian ever hated me.
I can't live without him.
I'm a horrible person.
He hates me."
Lizzie felt herself spiraling. She wiped her tears and fell to a crutches fetal position looking at the ashes of the page in her diary. She crawled over to a picture on the opposite side mirror, closer to her own door of her and her sister that had shattered. Her tears were still pacing out of her eyes at a quick rate. Her heart was beating faster than she could run.
She let the tears fall and wiped her nose with her sleeve because she didn't care about the long sleeve shirt she was wearing anymore. Nothing mattered. Lizzie picked up the remains of the photograph of her and her sister. The photograph was safe.
The glass that protected the photo was broken. She placed the frame and the picture on her bed. She occasionally stopped to wipe tears as her heart rate steadied. She picked up the glass with her right hand placing it into her left. The glass drew blood from her fingers several times. It didn't hurt her.
Lizzie had been hurt far worse than a silly small piece of glass could ever. Lizzie tried to breath in and out slowly. She counted to backwards from 100. Her therapist told her that worked sometimes. Lizzie's hands trembled from the after math of her freak out.
She threw the small shards of glass into her small trash can. She stood up weakly and walked over to her shattered mirror. She was surprised no one heard the mirror shatter or even if someone had, they didn't care.
She kneeled down and began picking it up piece by piece. The tops of her fingers are bloody. She went over to the small trash can and threw the tissue away she had threw amongst the mess away. She picked up the trash can and place it next to her cleaning the mirror the best she could.
The biggest pieces fit in the trash. She stood back up looking at the small pieces and breathed in. She was no longer crying. Her chest felt tense still. She said a spell to make the small pieces drop one by one directly into the trash can.
She looked at the clean floor and decided to lay on her bed until Josie came home. She acted like nothing happened. Josie came home to see Lizzie laying on the bed doing nothing. Josie knew. Students had gossiped about seeing Sebastian leave. Josie never thought Sebastian would leave. Josie looked at Lizzie with a sympathetic facial expression.
"Lizzie? What happened to your fingers?" Josie walked over to her sister and sat on the edge of her bed. "I, uh, got mad and broke a couple things." Lizzie said quietly. Josie stood up and went over to her side of the room. She took a couple bandaids out of a dresser of her own.
Josie knew not to ask questions. "Give me your fingers." Josie said smiling. She wrapped each affected finger know I got Lizzie wouldn't help herself when in a state like this. "Lizzie, I heard..." Josie was interrupted.
Lizzie looked up at the ceiling as she often did. "It doesn't even matter. Sebastian wasn't a great guy. I unfortunately really enjoyed that about him. He didn't care about what others thought of him." Lizzie said. Josie laid down next to her sister.
Lizzie moved over. Josie placed her arm around her sister. Lizzie continued to look at the ceiling. Josie looked at her sister. "It's okay to miss him." She said quietly. The door to their dorm opened as both sister lifted their heads to see Hope.
Hope smiled. "Room for one more?" She asked. Lizzie and Josie parted. Hope laid between them. The three of them spoke about their lives while looking at the ceiling. Hope and Josie gave the best advice they could to Lizzie. Lizzie's mood disorder made moments like these harder for her than a healthy minded person.
People can go from people you know to people you don't.
