ghosts {jj&emily}

roses on a breeze

Emily's POV

I sat at my desk, waiting for Hotch to finish up his meeting with Spencer. We were going out for drinks that night. He was the only person who treated me like I was human. I hoped he'd never learn of the monster I'd become.

"Hey," JJ came up behind me and I jumped. I looked up at her. She was haunting.

It'd been a few weeks since she covered for me in Chicago. We were attempting to be friends but boy was it hard.

"Hey!" I said. She leaned against my desk and my eyes quickly grazed over her legs.

"What are you still doing here?" She asked.

"Waiting for Hotch." I said. "We're uh..going for drinks."

She raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Oh?" She smirked.

I hated that. I was not about to sit and giggle with the love of my life about boys. I didn't even like boys.

She didn't even seem jealous.

"Oh," I waved my hand and shook my head.

"Do you have feelings for him?" She asked. I looked at her, scrunching my face. It was strange she was being so forward about this. Maybe she desperately needed me to move on so she wouldn't feel guilty.

"He's my boss." I said curtly.

Something about her was so annoying to me. She had no idea what I had gone through. She so easily moved on. Like I was nothing to her.

"It's okay if you do." She said.

I looked at her.

"I don't need your permission to move on, JJ." I said. "And I've...I've slept with my share of people."

Then I saw a flash of jealously across her face.

"Oh yeah?" JJ prompted.

"I did what I had to do. A lot of them were suspects..." I stopped talking, realizing she and I had never talked about my time away. She knew close to nothing.

She was quiet for a moment and then cleared her throat.

"That must have been really lonely." She said quietly.

She was completely right. But I didn't want to admit it.

But part of me did. I looked up at her. Our eyes met and I felt something I hadn't felt in years.

"The first night..." I took a deep breath. "The first night I was with a woman, when I got home, I cried so hard I threw up."

JJ visibly moved away from me and looked up.

I stared at her, waiting for her to say something back.

"You know," she practically whispered, looking back to me. "I still haven't slept with Spencer."

My jaw dropped and I laughed out loud.

"You're lying!" I exclaimed. She laughed lightly and shook her head.

"Nope. Not lying." She said. Wow.

"You're really making him hold out? Not letting him get any?" I asked, laughing.

"Shush." She grinned. "I'm not ready. And neither is he!"

I stopped laughing and nodded. That was interesting.

"This is the first time you've talked to me like I'm a person." I said.

I don't know if it was the light, but it looked like there were tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Emily." JJ said. She played with the ring on her finger and sighed heavily. "I...don't know how."

It took everything I had not to reach out and touch her.

"Well, this is a good start." I said, smiling. My heart felt just a little warmer.

"We can..." she wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled at me. "We can still be friends right?"

It was a stab to the heart but somehow a kiss to my spirit at the same time.

"Always, JJ." I said.

"It's been so hard, watching you. I can't imagine what you went through... I have no idea. And that whole time, I thought you were dead-" she stopped abruptly and stood up completely straight. "Wait. Emily."

"Yes?" I was confused. She towered above me.

"Two years after you left, were you here?" On her face, I could tell she knew what she was asking was crazy, but she believed it nonetheless.

I shook my head slowly.

"No, I wasn't." I said. This made her look even more troubled. "Why, JJ?"

She shook her head and leaned back against my desk.

"To this day, I still swear that I saw you." She said.

Before I could respond, Spencer and Hotch walked out of the office.

"Sorry about that, ready to go?" Hotch said. Spencer walked over to JJ and kissed her on the cheek.

I couldn't help but smile knowing he still didn't have the privilege of knowing her body. The heaven between her legs.

"Yup." I got up and smiled at JJ and Spencer. "Night guys."

"Goodnight! See you later!" Spencer beamed as him and JJ left.

I sighed.

I was happy for them. He was good to her. But that would never change that she would always be the love of my life.