The Journey Towards Yourself

Chapter 10

I'm super sorry for the long wait on an update. I've had writers block for the longest time, but I think I'm over the bridge. Hopefully. Well I hope you enjoy this chapter and give me some feedback!

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. My smile illuminated the whole room; well at least that is what Carlene told me. Last night was probably the most fun I have had since I arrived here and it all thanks to Derrick. I don't know if you would consider it a date, but it sure felt like one.

"Why are you smiling?" Mackenzie asks in disgust as if it was not normal to see someone smiling in a rehabilitation center.

"I don't think that is your business." She scoffed and walked out of the room.

"Ok miss smiley, get your butt up from the bed. Time to get out of fantasy world." I smile at Carlene and hoist myself up from the warm bed.

"Why am I always the last one awake?" I ask.

"Because you're lazy."

I'm not arguing with that because that is completely true. I throw on some random clothes that I found on the ground. They at least didn't smell completely dirty. My blonde hair shoved up into a messy bun implying that I don't want to be here, cause in all honesty-I don't.

"What's the plans for today?"

"Group therapy."

"What about individual therapy?"

"You haven't heard?"

I scrunch my eyebrows, "Heard what?"

"Dr. Lorraine is sick. Like super sick," Carlene says while putting on her pink lip-gloss.

Is that why I haven't been there lately? I only have known her for just a short time but she still was trying to make me better, so I guess you could consider her some sort of adult guidance I looked up to.

"How sick?"

"Well sick enough to keep her away from her job."

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"Welcome back kids. How are you all feeling?" We all mumble our "goods" and "Okays." He sits up straighter interested in our vague answers. His eyebrows up on top of his head.

The room was silent, nobody wanted to talk.

"Okay well," Joseph, the man who runs the group, says, "what about you Jackson? How are you feeling today?"

Jackson sits up startled, looking around, as if he just woke up. Under his eyes are red and has full-blown circles under them. "Sorry what?"

"Do you mind sharing how you are feeling today?"

"Fine." His one worded answer made me jolt. His face pale and blank. What he is dressed in wasn't his usual attire. Everything about him screams something that I don't want to think about.

Half of the time I forget that people in here have actual problems going on with them. The people I associate myself around put me at ease about everything. I guess I just got to caught up in myself.

Like I always do.

"Well alright then. What about you Carlene?" Joseph says quite intimidated by Jackson. Jackson gave off a dark era today.

Carlene's radiant smile lights up the room. "I'm actually doing great. I've had a few panic attacks here and there but I'm getting through." She shoots me a thank you look, and I send her a your welcome look because its only the polite thing to do.

I can't help myself from taking my eyes off Carlene to stare at Jackson. Sadness is taking over him and I just want to go cheer him up even though he isn't my most favorite person in the world.

"-and it's all thanks to Gwen." The sound of my name snapped me out of my trance and back to Carlene. Everyone is clapping around me so I copy and clap too, but Jackson remained motionless.

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The session went on for another hour. All it consisted was Joseph asking each patient how he or she was feeling. If you ask me, it got quite annoying after 3 people.

Right when we were let out, I followed Jackson to the back hallway. He didn't know recognize my presence, which gave me more time to think about what to say to him when he finally does.

He turns a corner and I slump against the side of the wall. The sound of small coughs and sniffles gave me the indication that he was crying. I sneak my eye around the corner to get a little glimpse of him.

His body heaved over and slow tears were running down his red and swollen face. I couldn't help myself any longer; I had to go help him. In any way I could.

But no.

He doesn't want my help. He hates me.

I had to think for a little bit. What would my mom do? That's when I took the step of faith around the corner of the hallway and became into view.

I cleared my throat to let him know that I am there. He quickly wipes his tears and straightens out.

"What do you want?" His voice cold and cruel. I've got to say that I expected that.

"I just-um-I thought that- well," I'm so stupid. I couldn't even come out with any words to say. My breathing hitched in thought of how to help him, "Are you okay?"

"What does it look like? I'm fine. Could you leave me alone?" He snarled. It made the hairs on the back of neck stand up.

"Jackson. I'm serious. I can help you." He shoots me a glare that could kill.

"You seriously think you can help me with this. This stupid thing that gives me hell every single day. God Gwen, grow the hell up. Don't go around saying that you are able to help people when you can't even help yourself and trust me, this little innocent shy act you have going on is complete bullshit and I'm tired of listening to your squeaky little voice saying these stupid ass things. I don't need your help. Not now not ever. Stop thinking and actually do something. Leave me alone."

My mouth gaped open. I take in what he just said and realize he is right. I only think. Overthinking things are my specialty.

A single tear rolls down my left cheek and turn around so quickly it almost gave me whiplash.

A few steps later I hear him. I hear him call my name. He sounds guilty, but I don't care. I was only trying to help.

I don't think I'm going to be okay.

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What are you?

Team Jackson or Team Derrick?

Leave your choice in the comments!